Friday, September 20, 2002

AN ONGOING SAGA - SERIES 2 - STORY 1...

PART SIX : TEARS OF A CLOWN... By Paul Chandler. Ideas by Mum and Dad.

PLEASE NOTE : Paul was unable to post this episode and is currently laid up in hospital with concussion having been attacked outside the Saga office. His Mother and Father (Lisa Parker and Andrew Trowbridge) have pieced together his notes and added some thoughts of their own and we are now able to bring you PART SIX as scheduled...

Many Thanks to Andrew Trowbridge and Lisa Parker for their help and advice.

Last Episode : In which Mavis makes a SQUEAK, Trent rebels, Carol becomes Samantha again and visions of the future finally become a reality...

This Episode : In which Samantha learns about life - Lavinia can't remember - the Circus is in town and no-one can see for grass...

Trent appeared to be in a jungle... An overgrown and grassy wilderness... Looking down he could just about make out a concrete path but this was strewn with fallen leaves and brambles. To his left was a lake - a large lake which stretched out into the distance and across from him was what appeared, at first glance, to be a statue...

...A statue of Peter Pan tending to a cow...

"How odd..." mused Trent, "This place is very familiar..."

Trent closed his eyes and concentrated...

Earth. England. London. Hyde Park. October 2002...

Trent looked around him - through the mist of grass up ahead of him...

"Hmm..." he mused, "Some one needs to take a lawn mower to all this..."

FOLLOWING THIS EPISODE THE SAGA WILL TAKE A BREAK UNTIL 10TH OCTOBER TO ALLOW FOR FURTHER CONTRIBUTIONS!

PLEASE SEND SOMETHING IN FOR PART SEVEN...

SERIES 2, STORY 1 WILL RUN FOR 10 EPISODES UNTIL MID OCTOBER 2002...

SERIES 2, STORY 2 WILL RUN FROM EARLY NOVEMBER UNTIL XMAS 2002...

IF WE DON'T GET THE AXE THEN SERIES 3 WILL BEGIN IN THE NEW YEAR!!

IT'S ALL UP TO YOU FOLKS!

PLEASE SEND IN YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS!!!

STAY TUNED...

PAUL!

AN ONGOING SAGA - SERIES 2 - STORY 1...

PART SIX : TEARS OF A CLOWN... By Paul Chandler. Ideas by Mum and Dad.

PLEASE NOTE : Paul was unable to post this episode and is currently laid up with concussion having been attacked outside the Saga office. His Mother and Father (Lisa Parker and Andrew Trowbridge) have pieced together his notes and added some thoughts of their own and we are now able to bring you PART SIX as scheduled...

Many Thanks to Andrew Trowbridge and Lisa Parker for their help and advice.

Last Episode : In which Mavis makes a SQUEAK, Trent rebels, Carol becomes Samantha again and visions of the future finally become a reality...

This Episode : In which Samantha learns about life - Lavinia can't remember - the Circus is in town and no-one can see for grass...

RECAP : Yen was looking up at the sky... He looked scared - there was a black cloud hovering over him - he was dimmed by shadow, "OH MY GOD!!!" he screamed.

It wasn't a black cloud... The shadows got bigger... Samantha looked up... It was a building - a pub - and it was falling down from the sky onto Yen...

DOWN - DOWN - DOWN...

Yen tried to run - but he couldn't get away quickly - Samantha tried to call out to him - but couldn't think what to say - it was all happening so quickly... The pub landed on him - squashed him fully with a scream and what may well have been a squelch... Samantha just stood and stared - no matter what she felt for him she had never imagined Yen being squashed by a falling pub in the prime of his life...

Sam could hear sirens - Police cars streaming across from the airport - she could hear the old lady still calling out, "STOP THIEF - STOP..."

But it was too late - Yen could do no more damage...

It was then she remembered the image she'd seen on the karaoke screen when she'd been Carol - the image of the time traveling pub... It had all come to pass... A vision of the future - now the reality of the present...

ONE HOUR LATER...

Yen was dead...

Samantha sat on a rock in the desert and just stared out towards the scene of the accident - nobody even seemed to notice her...

The Police were swarming the fallen Pub (YE OLDE QUEEN'S HEAD) for what seemed like an age but was probably only ten minutes or so... It appeared to be empty... Until... Suddenly a couple of ambulance men emerged with a stretcher - there was a body on it...

"We have a live one here..."

Samantha stood up - walking slowly towards the ambulance - suddenly a figure appeared at her side...

"It's him dear - somehow he survived that pub falling on him..." It was Edie - still looking flustered from her attempt to help Sam escape.

Yen... Not dead afterall - but he had to be pretty badly hurt surely... After being hit by a falling pub...

"I don't understand how this happened..." sighed Samantha.

"Do you mean how he survived or how the building fell on him, dear?"

"Both I suppose..."

"It was a very timely accident - from your point of view..."

Samantha frowned, "I was running away from him - I was scared of him - but I didn't expect him to get hit by a house - although..."

"What is it, dear?" Edie coaxed, taking Samantha's arm as they walked.

"I had a vision about this... Well - at least about the pub - not about it falling on Yen..."

"I'd never seen him without his bag, dear - all the photos at Green Meadows had him with his bag on... He's quite attractive really..."

"He changes..." mused Sam, "His face seems to be able to change - he has a different face every time I see him - he's not normal..."

"Not human?"

"Not as we understand it, no..."

"How very peculiar, dear... I really do think we should go and have a chat about things..."

Sam looked bewildered, "But what about Yen - shouldn't I go to the hospital?"

"Later maybe - I've taken details - we can go later..." The ambulance was already pulling away and the Police had cordoned off the pub and were also making ready to leave... "This vision..." continued Edie, "Tell me about it..."

Samantha frowned - staring at the building, "It was in space - travelling through time and space..."

"How peculiar..."

"Most odd... Do you want to take a look inside now the Police have gone - just incase?"

Edie nodded, "I've had my luggage sent on to Caesar's - they should take care of it... Why not, dear..."

Samantha smiled - the desert was quiet once again... Taking their opportunity Samantha raised up the red tape surrounding the building (which was still - remarkably - in tact...) and the two of them began to explore...

---

Lavinia was watching Hazel like a hawk - (Hazel! Here at last! Sitting on the end of the bed wrapped in a dressing gown and hair towelled dry straight from the shower...) Lavinia had put the finishing touches to a new poem - probably the final poem of her new collection and she was eager to know what her better half thought of it... There was another poem at the back of her mind - one called THINGS AIN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE - she had notes for it but hadn't written it yet - although - although - the funny thing was she felt as if she had already seen it completed... Her mind was very foggy - but as yet she'd said nothing to Hazel... They were still in Askrigg - for one last day since the festival had finished - tomorrow they were due to return to Braithwaite...

Lavinia kept watching - Hazel was grinning but hadn't yet gotten to the end - still things were looking good - Hazel was notoriously critical if she didn't like something and they argued about their work all the time - even when they'd just been good friends... But Lavinia had a good feeling about this one - Hazel's expression seemed to bear that out...

Recently she'd found herself turning away from more solemn verse and this piece was another humourous poem - a jolly ditty called...

THIRD TIME LUCKY.

First time's never work out...
She learnt this fact first hand...
Married to a drummer -
From a heavy metal band!
Her first job was a nightmare!
Her first car fell apart!
She ran away to Brighton -
On a junk yard horse and cart!
Her first affair was fated!
Her first bank job a flop!
Saved from jail by offering -
Gold bullion to a cop!
First time on tele-vision -
She forgot quite what to say!
Her first night as a call girl -
With a man who didn't pay!
First attempts to choose a winner -
Grand National pick came last -
So she had to try a second time -
Range available was vast!
Her second husband though no better -
He used to dress like her...
And had a crush on Ironside...
As played by Raymond Burr...
Her second job was scary...
Free-falling from a plane!
Her second car exploded!
Whilst on a trip to Spain!
Affairs - bank jobs and telly...
All met a drastic fate...
Her second National fancy,
Fell at the second gate!
But her third attempts were splendid!
Third husband quite adored!
Third job was quite successful!
Fighter pilot! Never bored!
Third car a large Ferrari!
Third National choice he won by miles!
Third bank job earnt her millions!
And nights out on the tiles!
Sometimes first goes are fated!
Second times more often suck!
Best persevere a third time!
Fingers crossed for third time luck!

Hazel was smiling - she looked up, "You should call the book that..." she suggested, "Third Time Lucky... Is it autobiographical?"

Lavinia smirked, "Three husbands... Err - I don't think so..."

"What's up?" Hazel would usually have given her a more detailed critique - but she obviously sensed something wasn't quite right, "You look edgy - what is it?"

"Just keen to hear your views..."

"I love it - but it's not that..."

"What!?!"

"You seem restless that's all Lavie - the festival's over - work done - we can go back to the Lakes tomorrow - what's the problem... You need a holiday that's what... How about we go to the cottage in Guernsey - down tools for a week or two before the autumn..."

"That would be nice..."

"Nice!?! Come on love - what is it - did something happen at the festival?"

It was her chance to explain... To voice her doubts... For a minute Lavinia hesitated but then nodded - confirming for sure now that there was definitely something wrong, "To be honest Haze there is something bothering me - but I don't know how to explain it... I think I should go to the doctors - my memory - I mean... I can't remember any of it - any of the festival - it's just a blur..."

"You were busy..."

"It's not that Haze - I can remember some of it - reading on the stage - most of that stuff... I remember meeting somebody - somebody who we both know... God - who was it!? Bowen... Old Laurie Bowen..."

"He was there!?! God - I thought he was long since on the scrap heap - hasn't written for years... What was he doing there..."

"This is the problem - I can't remember - I recall meeting him and then... It's just a blur..."

"He probably got you drunk..."

"Maybe - but there was something else..."

"Such as?"

"Auntie Mave rung me... She wanted me to have some friends of hers to stay here - short notice - all very mysterious... Wanted me to keep an eye on them... Can't remember their names either - no no - I can come to think of it... Gail and... Ray!"

"Your Auntie Mavis - she's as bad as my Auntie Fatima! So what happened - they didn't show up?"

"They did... I'm sure they did..."

"I think maybe you do need to see a doctor love... Surely you can remember if you met them or not... Have you had a fall or something - banged your head?"

"Don't think so... No bruises! I'd have remembered..." she paused, "I'm sure that they turned up - they came with me to the festival rehearsal and then I'm sure they were there yesterday too..."

"But they weren't there when I showed up - maybe they just left... Have you asked Mave?"

Lavinia was flustered, "I tried to ring... But... No reply... I just have this horrible feeling that something happened to them and I can't remember what... Something about a cave - or a pothole or something..."

"A pot hole?"

"I know it doesn't make any sense Haze... But none of it does... It wasn't until I woke up this morning that I even remembered that they were supposed to have been here... Perhaps you're right - perhaps they did just leave suddenly... But I'm sure Auntie Mave would want to know about it... I wish I could just speak to her about it... I'm SO CERTAIN they were here at some point though... Oh God Hazel - what does it all mean... Why can't I remember?"

"It'll be alright..." Haze was up on her feet and coming across to comfort her, "It'll be fine - we'll see the doctor - get him to give you a check up - you were probably just very drunk yesterday..."

"Did I SEEM drunk when you met up with me..."

Hazel didn't know quite what to say - Lavinia hadn't seemed drunk at all - but she remembered one thing... She'd had mud all over the knees of her her otherwise clean jeans - and dirt in her fingernails...

Now whatever did that mean?

"I just have this horrible feeling that something happened to them... ...Something about a cave - or a pothole..."

---

At first Samantha and Edie found nothing...

The door to YE OLDE QUEEN'S HEAD stood ajar and the two of them made their way inside - and for the first five minutes as they explored they could find nothing which could in anyway be described as odd or out of place... (Except for the building itself, of course!) There was a bar - seating - pictures - a pool table - nothing out of place - nothing even upturned despite the fall...

"I can't see how this can possibly be a time machine..." murmured Samantha, "It's just - A PUB!"

"Not so..." said a voice - the two ladies turned in surprise...

The top of one of the tables (made from an empty beer barrel) suddenly flipped open and standing before them was a rather large and chunky viking, "Siggtrigger..."

"Samantha..."

They had met briefly some while before - when Siggtrigger had briefly manned Yen's Submarine - the Unsinkable Peach... Just before it had been destroyed by Trent and Sally...

"YOU GOT AWAY!!" they both said at once.

Edie just stood and watched - taking it all in as if it was perfectly normal - the meeting of old friends...

"I escaped with Yen..." said Sam, "It's a long story..."

"It always is..." smiled Siggtrigger as he hauled himself out of the beer barrel, "I was pulled back into the past just before the ship was about to self-destruct..."

"And this... this... Pub..."

"A time machine..." grinned Siggtrigger, "Built by Erik - my trusty side-kick... Unfortunately we've been having problems with it... As soon as we crashed I shut down the systems - which is why it doesn't look like a time machine in here... It's all tucked away - as I was myself - I'm not sure I'm quite ready to meet 21st Century Policemen... Although they did look quite cuddly..." he admitted.

"But where are the rest of the crew..."

"That's MY long story... I think I'm going to have to abandon ship for now - what with all the fuss I've made by falling out of the sky... We're based elsewhere you see - just at present - we own a casino now - if you'd like to come with me ladies then I'll try and explain as we walk..."

---

"Trent..." said a voice, "Trent - where am I?"

Trent wasn't sure where HE was let alone off advice to the voice that eminated from his coat pocket...

It was Sally of course - or Sally's remaining eye and eyebrow - her voice box still activated it seemed - somekind of intelligent system contained which allowed her to function...

"Where am I?" said Sally again, "It's dark in here..."

Trent raised the pocket up to his mouth and spoke into it, "Sally - it's me - Trent... You're - err - in my pocket..."

"Ohhh God Trent... What happened to me..."

"Err - Sally... Erm... There's not that much left of you dear - but I saved what there was..."

"Ohhhh..." Sally's groan of despair was heartbreaking, "How much of me?"

"Oh lots really..."

"How much? What exactly..."

"An eyebrow... Oh - and an eye..."

"And what else..."

"A voice box and intelligence unit - obviously - I mean - that'll be how you're communicating now..."

"Quite... What else? Don't tell me I'm bald..."

"Err - not quite..."

"Well how BAD is it? Come on Trent - don't spare me..."

"That's all that's left..." he said eventually, "Just the eye and the brow and the intelligent bit..."

"GOD!" she sniffled for a moment or two and then resolved, "Well it makes sense - that's how I'd have fitted into your pocket..."

"It'll be alright..."

"How do you work that one out?"

"Well - we might be able to rebuild you... Now it turns out that you're a cyborg..."

"DON'T SAY THAT!"

"Sorry..."

"I used to be so attractive..."

"Yes... Listen Sally - I'm just going to try and work out where we've arrived..."

But Sally didn't reply and appeared to be mumbling sulkily to herself...

Taking this as a good sign to ignore her Trent began to look around him...

He appeared to be in a jungle... An overgrown and grassy wilderness... Looking down he could just about make out a concrete path but this was strewn with fallen leaves and brambles. To his left was a lake - a large lake which stretched out into the distance and across from him was what appeared, at first glance, to be a statue...

...A statue of Peter Pan tending lovingly to a cow...

"How odd..." mused Trent, "This place is very familiar..."

Trent closed his eyes and concentrated...

Earth. England. London. Hyde Park. October 2002...

Trent looked around him - through the mist of grass up ahead of him...

"Hmm..." he mused, "Some one needs to take a lawn mower to all this..."

It was a good point - but ultimately there was nobody around to do so...

Why was he here? (He wondered) Was Yen around?

Something moved... Something across by the statue...

It wasn't Peter Pan... It was Peter Pan's cow... (Since when had Peter Pan had a cow!?! wondered Trent...)

The cow was staring at Trent - it was rainbow coloured with elegant fluttery earlashes - and having chewed at the cud for a number of minutes it smiled at him, "Hello..." said the cow, "Pleased to meet you..."

---

Siggtrigger's tale was indeed a long story - as Samantha and Edie were soon about to find...

He explained about Sally - about her nagging - about how the Submarine Norris had pretty much collapsed on its journey home through time back to A.D. 895 - but how Erik had been clever enough to invent time travel and how he had worked hard to turn YE OLDE QUEENS HEAD into a time machine... He told stories of travelling to new and strangely bizarre universes and how eventually they'd come to land in Vegas - squashing a Casino on the way and nearly losing their lives in a game of poker... Their new base was quite an eye-opener - they'd ended up winning the land which had contained the Casino which they'd demolished on their arrival. Circus Circus had been one of the most famous Casino's in the town until their arrival...

"But not any more - still we're rebuilding it... Keeping to the Circus theme - but Erik and some of the boys went off in the time machine and picked up a few unusual items to help us along..."

"Unusual animals?"

"Something like that... Not quite sure what they picked up..."

"Alien animals..."

"Err - I haven't actually seen them yet - our caretaker's dealing with that side of things... All the same - whatever they've got from their travels they won't be going anywhere else in the pub just now... It's become a tad tempremental - as you've seen... All that zooming around time and space has blown the fuses and it's stopped working... I was attempting to make one last journey in it - to put it into storage when I misjudged the distance and crashed it near the airport... Which brings you up to date..."

Samantha was nodding - they had arrived at the Vikings new base by this time - Edie had hurried off to make a phone call about her luggage and now Sam and Siggtrigger were waiting for a nice cup of tea in the Vikings new office...

"But can't Erik just make a new time machine?"

"He could..." agreed Sigg, catching his horny helmet on the light shade, "But we've all had enough of travelling for now... We always did like the 21st Century and we were hoping to get back here... This time we intend to stay - we seem to have broken the rules of time and none of us have been sucked back to A.D. 895 - so it's looking good so far..."

"It is..."

"But how can I apologise..." his tone had become very serious, "I wanted to say something earlier - but I didn't know how... I've hurt Yen - I landed on him - I will never forgive myself..."

"Please don't worry yourself..." assured Samantha, "Yen isn't the friend to me he once was - I'll explain..."

"Once the tea arrives..." Siggtrigger was still looking apologetic and was back on his feet, "Let me go and find out what's happened with it - things are going very slow around here - it's early days - there is a lot of work to be done before the Circus can re-open... My team are doing very well all the same - they are busy painting things as usual - it's all very hectic..."

Samantha laid a reassuring hand on his, "Okay... Calm down - don't panic... You go and see to your men or the tea or whatever and I'll just have a rest... I've had a busy few hours myself and I'm really not sure whether I'm coming or going at the moment..."

"You'll explain when I return..."

"Certainly..." and then she remembered, "Is it alright if I use the phone after Edie - I want to call the hospital to check on Yen - one way or another..."

Siggtrigger nodded eagerly, "For sure... Use my private line..." he indicated a statue of Mickey Mouse which stood on the edge of his desk - until he had mentioned it she hadn't noticed how Disney's famous mouse was holding a phone at a slightly rude angle...

"Thankyou..." smiled Samantha - but Siggtrigger was already gone.

---

Edie had made her first call - everything was fine with her luggage - but now she was busily attempting to make a second call...

"Mavis..." she had to leave a message - there was no reply, "Mavis - you'll never believe who I've met... That young woman - Samantha Ruth - and the man in the bag - except he didn't have a bag on - Yen - the one from Green Meadows... I've also met a whole gang of Vikings who are refurbishing a Casino - which they themselves squashed when they landed on it in their time machine which is shaped like an old fashioned pub..." Edie paused to allow time to take a breath, "So what do you make of all that then? I'll try and call you again later, dear..."

Edie put down the phone - trying to remember quite how to get back to the office where Samantha was supposed to be drinking tea with the friendly Viking...

It was then she noticed a pair of eyes watching her from a room marked CARETAKER...

"Hellooooo dear - helllooooo.... Can you help?"

The door slammed shut!

Not to be put off, Edie crossed from the phone towards the door and tapped on it gently...

"Hello dear - don't be shy - I won't bite - I just want to find your nice Mr Siggtrigger... I've got a tinsy bit lost in your lovely new Casino and can't remember how to get back to his office now..."

The door opened a crack, "Are you SURE you won't bite..." said a slightly nervous voice from inside the office.

"Of course not, dear - not unless you happen to be a Coq au Vin - I'm famished..."

"Did someone say cock?!"

Suddenly the Caretaker door swung open wide and a man dressed in a rather mismatched clown suit stood before her. He appeared to be wearing odd shoes (unbelievably large and silly shoes too with massive heels on them...) He was just awash with colour - a walking rainbow and seemed to be wearing his polka dot green wig back to front... He's obviously been trying out face paints when she'd interuptted and looked a rather frightening mess as a result... Proudly pinned on his chest was a badge which read : CARETAKER - but the word had been mispelt and instead the word read CARTAKER...

"Coq au vin..." repeated Edie.

"Oh..." said the Cartaker, "I was hoping you said cock..."

Edie avoided getting into a discussion about chickens or... well... whatever it was the man was going on about and said instead, "Do you steal cars?"

The man looked down at his badge and frowned, "Damn those vikings..." he said, "They can't spell to save their lives..."

"Edie..." said Edie.

"Where..."

"No dear - I'm Edie..."

"Golly!" said the caretaker, "Not THE Edie - from the Ongoing Saga..."

"From what dear?"

"Edie who works with Mavis?" he persisted.

"Well yes - I work with a lady called Mavis - but it's meant to be top secret..."

"I know Fatima!" exclaimed the man.

"Really!?!" this was most bizarre - there was only one Fatima he could possibly mean she reckoned, "I'm sorry - do I know you?"

"Barry..." said the man, "Barry Mayes..."

"Means nothing to me dear..."

Barry the Caretaker looked a little disappointed, "I nearly got trampled by cows..." he added, "Infact I DID get trampled by cows... The next thing I knew I was floating in space and I got rescued by the Vikings... An everyday tale of everyday people..."

Edie wasn't so sure...

"Oh never mind..." he sighed, "Fame is fickle thing... Would you like me to show you around?"

"Oh - thank you dear... That would be nice..."

Barry bowed politely, "Very well then..." he beamed, "It's far from finished - but the tour begins over here..."

---

"I'm sure it's not supposed to be this overgrown?" exclaimed Mavis as they stepped off the Number 37 near Green Park Station.

Rwanda looked up from her map, "I wouldn't have thought so..."

The grass in Green Park was taller than some of the trees...

"This would be the Mutant grass seed then I suppose?" Rwanda humphed, "Nobody but ourselves seems at all bothered..."

"Too busy to notice..."

"It wouldn't surprise me - people can be very dense at times - especially tourists and the British Public..."

"I've noticed..."

Sure enough everyone was going about their daily routines and sight-seeing duties as if nothing had changed. Some attempted to sunbathe or picnic despite being overshadowed by towering grass blades the size of St Paul's - others wandered aimlessly through the grass jungle towards Buckingham Palace admiring the surrounding flora as they past - oblivious to any oddity...

"So where are we headed..."

"To find your friend Helena... She's nearby... But it's whether we can talk her round... There are a lot of external pressures at work..."

"There always are..." agreed Mavis - though she hadn't the foggiest what her new partner was talking about...

"Too right..." agreed Rwanda and with that the two of them crossed the grassy street and plunged into the jungle that had once been mild-mannered Green Park...

---

"I'm ringing about a man who was brought into your hospital today - a couple of hours ago..."

"Yeah right..." the Receptionist at the other end of the line was chewing gum which made it very difficult for Sam to make out what she was saying, "Well honey - we've had a hella lotta people in today - could you be more pacific..."

"Pacific? Oh... His name is Yen - Yenny Thyme..."

"Let me check..." Silence - a crackle and then, "Yeah honey - we still have him in here..."

"Is he still alive..."

"He's on critical honey - but listen - I can't tell you any more if you're not a relative..."

"I'm errr - his girlfriend..."

"I'm sorry honey - you can come over but I'm not sure you'll be able to see him today - his relative, his Cousin from Engerland is due later and that's the only person they're letting in..."

"His relative? But..."

"Mr Bowen..." said the Reception, "Mr Bowen is coming to see him later... Come over to the hospital - you can speak to him - I'm afraid that's all I can suggest..."

The line cut dead.

Yen's Cousin???

Samantha didn't like the sound of that at all...

---

"Where are we now, dear?"

Barry had begun flip-flopping his way around the Casino in an attempt to show Edie around - but they're progress was very slow at present. At the moment they appeared to be in a large storage locker - full of large crates...

"Where is this?" Edie repeated.

"This is a lot more exciting than you'd think..." grinned Barry, "This is where all the new animals and artifacts are kept... I'm supposed to be looking after them - but it's a lot of work for one man in large clown shoes to be dealing with..."

"There are animals in those crates?"

"Apparently..."

"Well you shouldn't keep them in there - they won't be mad about that, dear..."

"They're absolutely furious! But what can you do - we haven't got any cages - it's all so amateur..."

"What sort of animals are they?"

"These ones?"

"Yes, dear..."

"Some of these are space animals - you see when we open we're aiming to be quite a curio - all sorts of strange beasties..."

"From outer space, dear?"

"Oh yes..."

"Mightn't that be dangerous..."

"Probably..." agreed Barry, "...And admittedly I am a tad worried seeing as I'll be the one who's supposed to be opening the crates... But what can you do... These guys saved me..."

"I'm not sure a Circus of Space Aliens is a good idea at all - couldn't it just be clowns and jugglers..."

"Ten a penny apparently - Erik says we have to go for curio value..." Just then there came a large rattling sound from close by - one of the crates was shaking violently, "Oh dear..." sighed Barry, "Maybe I should feed them... I've only got half a jar of Marmite left - they don't seem to have taken that well to Peanut butter..." Edie looked alarmed - but Barry didn't seem to notice - crossing over to the crate, "This one's a bugger..." Barry continued, "It's a Bennihillasaurus... Nasty beast.... I was there when they caught it... Teeth like knives - six heads - bad breath... Reminds me of one of my ex's..."

The crate shook violently again - beginning to splinter before their eyes - although Barry didn't appear to have noticed...

"Err - I rather think it's trying to escape dear..." called Edie, backing off slightly.

The crate began to rattle - sharp swipey claws were poking their way out at them...

"Oh golly..." barked Barry looking as if he'd just had an accident, "They never got as cross as this before..."

"WE SHOULD RUN, DEAR!" cried Edie - but it was too late to get far and Barry just stood staring mouth wide open as if mimicking a railway tunnel...

"RUN, DEAR - QUICKLY!"

But it was too late...

The crate exploded in a angry wail of splinters and spines - and there it was - the furious beast - face to face with them amongst the maze of crates...

The Bennihillasaurus growled hungrily and them from under a pile of woodwork - raising its claws to strike...

"Oh Mavis..." sighed Edie - but this time Mavis was thousands of miles away - Barry lay in a faint on the floor...

Edie would have to deal with this matter herself!!!


What will happen next...

Will Edie manage to fight off the Bennihillasaurus? Will Samantha reach the hospital before Bowen? Will Mavis and Rwanda reach Helena in time to convince her to quit the invasion? How will Trent react having been confronted by a talking cow? Will Lavinia's mind-block break down? Can Paul recover in time to help save the Saga...

Find out soon...

PART SEVEN WILL FOLLOW BY THURSDAY 10TH OCTOBER 2002 - THE BREAK ALLOWS EVERYONE TO GET THEIR PENS OUT AND SEND SOMETHING IN - BE IT A STORY LINE - A SMALL SEGMENT - E-MAIL - IDEA - COMMENTS ETC.

WE WILL TRY AND USE EVERYTHING WE RECEIVE...

Please Contribute to Part 7 - or at least write to us at : PCBEECHES@HOTMAIL.COM to tell us you're still reading as the Saga team put in a lot of effort and free time to bring you this and there's no point us continuing if we don't have any readers...

Remember - if you would prefer to print out an episode to read later - each instalment is about 10-12 pages approx...

Go on - do it why don't ya! IT'S GOOD STUFF!!!! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO...

DON'T LET THE ONGOING SAGA BECOME THE LL BOWEN SAGA!!!!

THE FUTURE OF THE SAGA DEPENDS ON YOU ALL...

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

AN ONGOING SAGA

SERIES 2 - STORY 1...

PART FIVE : THE NAME OF THE GAME… By Paul Chandler. With Guest Star Contributions by L.L. Bowen.

Last Episode : In which escape seems unlikely - Bowen shows his strengths - Edie goes on holiday and Mavis gets mail...

This Episode : In which Mavis makes a SQUEAK, Trent rebels, Carol becomes Samantha again and visions of the future finally become a reality...

"I'll be over to explain it later..." Reg had said, "We'll take Sally away for testing - just to make sure she isn't a hazard..."

A hazard...

"Err Sally - they're just going to take you for a wash and brush up - we'll meet up later..."

Sally hadn't looked herself, had looked very pale since their journey, "Okay..." she'd said, "I think I know what to expect..."

Those words haunted him now...

"I think I know what to expect..."

What had she meant?

CHECK OUT THE NEW EPISODE POSTED TUESDAY 17TH SEPTEMBER 2002...

PART SIX WILL FOLLOW ON FRIDAY 20TH - THE SAGA WILL THEN TAKE A BREAK UNTIL OCTOBER TO ALLOW FOR FURTHER CONTRIBUTIONS!

SERIES 2, STORY 1 WILL RUN FOR TEN EPISODES UNTIL MID OCTOBER 2002...

SERIES 2, STORY 2 WILL RUN FROM EARLY NOVEMBER UNTIL XMAS 2002...

IF WE DON’T GET THE AXE THEN SERIES 3 WILL BEGIN IN THE NEW YEAR!!

IT'S ALL UP TO YOU FOLKS!

PLEASE SEND IN YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS!!!

STAY TUNED...

PAUL!

AN ONGOING SAGA - SERIES 2 - STORY 1…

PART FIVE : THE NAME OF THE GAME… By Paul Chandler. With Guest Star Contributions by L.L. Bowen.

Last Episode : In which escape seems unlikely - Bowen shows his strengths - Edie goes on holiday and Mavis gets mail...

This Episode : In which Mavis makes a SQUEAK, Trent rebels, Carol becomes Samantha again and visions of the future finally become a reality...

RECAP :

Picking up the pile of papers she carried them through to the kitchen... Her mind focusing on the more exciting of the items that had arrived. The parcel looked well bound and was covered in string and sellotape. Mavis took a sharp kitchen knife out of the drawer and began to cut to ties...

Her head felt light - she could hear somebody speaking - a voice reading her message...

"Dear Mavis and Edie... I am sending you this gift because I suspect it might be of some use to you... I was going to send it to you via Matron Ward-Sisters but I don't think she's in any shape to manage that now... Still - she'll make a wonderfully macabre hat stand... Have fun with the hammer. Lots of love. L.L. Bowen."

She didn't stop for a moment to consider where the voice might come from... Even when the voice changed in tone and the words became a warning...

"DO NOT OPEN THE PARCEL! DO NOT OPEN THE PARCEL! DANGER - DANGER - DANGER..."

Mavis did not react - she found that she was powerless to - instead she simply pulled away the last of the string and reached inside...

Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun!

PROLOGUE :

How lovely - thought Paul as he rushed to the Ongoing Saga office - London looked greener than usual. He put it down to his being in a good mood. There were several new ideas in his head for the Saga.

A long queue of people were standing outside Boots. It stretched forty metres from the door, and along the street. What on earth they were queuing for? Was there some kind of special offer on? The people were babbling excitedly, but Paul had no time to stop and eavesdrop, as he was already 3 minutes late.

Bounding into the lift, Paul took out his notebook. Yes, there was a lot to put into today’s Saga installment before it could go live. Quite a few exciting developments to share with his co-editor Fatima.

He got out at the 17th floor, and through the Saga office door window, he could see Fatima typing already at the computer. That’s the good thing about her - dedicated, and thorough. Before he even took hold of the door handle, Paul noticed an envelope pinned to the door, addressed to him. He took it and opened it. Beyond the glass window, Fatima continued typing quickly.

A single sheet of white paper. “Paul -“ it said, “Do NOT interfere.”

Fatima turned round, and looked at him. There was no expression on her face. Paul tried the door, but it was firmly locked. Fatima’s hair seemed different today - long, lustrous and shining. She flicked it back, and continued at the computer. Paul tapped at the window hopefully. Only now had he began to notice other changes to the office - sinister changes which stabbed coldly into his heart. Not only had the room been re-decorated completely with purple cushions, and a spangly new sofa, but he could now see the words, which glowed on the computer screen, as they appeared as soon as Fatima’s fingers could create them.

Paul stared in horror and disbelief at the sudden realisation that his world was slowly being turned upside down...

---

Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun!

Mavis held the hammer in her hand - it was lighter than she imagined...

Suddenly the room was very quiet.

Mavis stared at the hammer - she was feeling very strange now... Her head was ringing and she felt badly nauseous...

"Why..." she heard herself mutter - and knew instinctively that she shouldn't have been so hasty - shouldn't have ripped open the parcel - should have resisted the pull...

What now...

The last person to have touched MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER - the last ordinary person - had died...

She knew then that the person was Nurze Ward-Sisters...

She could see it in her mind...

"Take this hammer to somebody with some intelligence... Go - before I decide to kill you my dear..." said Bowen coldly.

Nurze reached out for the hammer - touching it with her bare hands - her bare skeletal hands...

"OH!" exclaimed Bowen suddenly, "Don't snatch... I don't like people who snatch... You've made me change my mind... I was going to spare you but on second thoughts - there are too many players in this particular story as there is..."

Nurze stared at her - but soon her eyes did not see - soon she ceased to function altogether - without even a chance to scream... "I should never have wasted your precious time..." sighed Bowen, "I'll post it on like a normal person would... Except - except I'm not normal am I Matron dear?" Matron's skeleton stared back at her, "You should eat more dear..." he grinned.

The vision horrified her - and yet - and yet she remained unmoved - unshocked... It was as if she felt the two emotions at once - horror and total calm... Mavis could hear the clock ticking now... These must be the last seconds of her life she reckoned - waiting to see whether her skin would dissolve before her very eyes... Waiting to become a skeleton...

But nothing happened...

"Maybe I'm not normal afterall..." she thought to herself... "Maybe I can harnass the power..."

Just to see what happened she tried the hammer on the kitchen table...

SQUEEEEEEEEEAK!

An odd sound for a hammer to make.

Mavis held the hammer tightly in her hand - it was lighter than she imagined - lighter and more colourful and made of plastic...

"Why..."

She tried again...

SQUEEEEEEAAAKKK!

Looking closely now she realised that it didn't look like a normal hammer - but a child's hammer - a toy hammer that a baby might have in cot perhaps...

"Why..."

"Why did Bowen send you the hammer?"

Mavis turned, there was a stranger there in the kitchen with her - a woman who she'd never seen before...

"Who..."

"Who am I?"

The woman reached out to her - taking her hand and allowing the toy hammer to fall to the floor - suddenly the knowledge flooded in...

"Rwanda Bronze..." said Mavis.

"Pleased to meet you... Sorry to startle you and all that... Let me put the kettle on whilst you take it all in..."

Oddly, Mavis felt much more like herself again - her old self - the self before she became disillusioned - but on the other hand she also felt different - in a positive way... Meeting this strange lady had quite literally given her a new look on life...

Bowen - the hammer - the parcel...

"Of course that wasn't the real hammer..." explained Rwanda as she took out the mugs and located the teabags, "Thankfully Phyllis Jet got to me in time and warned me... I was able to swap the contents in a split second before you opened the parcel..."

No need to ask how or why - this strange visitors powers seemed beyond question - seemed quite everyday...

The telepathy, too, seemed quite normal - it was amazing how things could be changed so dramatically by just a single touch...

"What happened to the original hammer?"

"Safe storage - til later - could come in handy..."

"If I had touched it..."

"You'd be dead, yes..."

"Like the Matron..."

"Her? Oh yes - 'fraid so... Still - too late to do anything about that I'm afraid... Here's your tea..."

"Thank you..." Mavis said - aloud this time - she stared at the parcel and the toy hammer and thought about an alternate course of time where she'd touched the hammer and ceased to exist.

"Don't think about it..."

"Perhaps I shouldn't..." agreed Mavis, "What happens now..."

"Assistance!" grinned Rwanda and this time she was speaking aloud, "I've shared my knowledge with you - because I need your help - are you up to it Mavis?"

Mavis nodded, "Oh yes - I think so... I wasn't earlier - but I am now - you've made quite a difference..."

"You're protected now... It'll make it easier for you... Things are going to be quite different from now on... But I'm sure you'll be able to manage..."

"I'll manage..." replied Mavis - reverting to her newly and casually acquired skill of telepathy, "I think this is just the sort of change I've been looking for..."

---

They were somewhere else now...

No longer trapped in the Viking age...

There were benefits he'd forgotten about - the food was better - he could have a nice warm, foam-filled bath - which was good!

But to Trent it was no consolation - he was off the case!!!

"I'll be over to explain it later..." Reg had said, "We'll take Sally away for testing - just to make sure she isn't a hazard..."

A hazard...

"Err Sally - they're just going to take you for a wash and brush up - we'll meet up later..."

Sally hadn't looked herself, had looked very pale since their journey, "Okay..." she'd said, "I think I know what to expect..."

Those words haunted him now...

"I think I know what to expect..."

What had she meant?

She was the first thing he asked about when Reg had showed up at his door - the door of his ultrafuristic, ultramodern, way-way Sci-fi apartment, "Where is she Reggie? What have you done with her?"

Reggie Copper had looked a tad embarrassed, "She was unstable..." he said.

"A hazard?" snapped Trent, quoting back to him.

"Of sorts... She was a Cyborg you know - or part of one - a very basic one of course compared to our technologies..."

Trent didn't want reminding of what Sally was or wasn't supposed to be... He didn't think of her as a Cyborg - he'd never even allowed it to cross his mind before Reggie had arrived... She was just - Sally... A head... (Yes - he knew it didn't make any sense - no ordinary woman could have gone on living with her head separated from her body - at least not without a good deal of medical assistance - but... but... Well - he'd never really dwelt on it - afterall nothing made sense any more! This was no difference...)

"I didn't ask WHAT Sally was - I was asking HOW she was..."

Reggie looked vaguely disgruntled, "No need to snap... This is just because they took you off the case..."

"Is not..."

"IS SO!"

"I'm not off the case..."

"You SO are, Trent Diamond..."

"Not for long..."

"Tell that to Bronze and Silver then... There are plenty of other things to be dealing with which need your assistance..."

"Like what?"

"Well - there was this cat up a tree in Swindon the other day and..."

"Very funny... Listen - we all know I'm the expert on Yen... I've been trailing him for months now..."

"Yes - well this isn't just about Yen anymore... Which is why you're off the case..."

"What is it about then?"

"Cows... Bowen... Hammers..."

"I'm sure I know about all of them - I certainly know about Bowen - I met him... He and Yen are..."

"...Don't go on so... You're off!"

Trent paused, frowning, "Well doesn't that sound odd to you? I think it's a conspiracy..."

"Probably..." sighed Reggie, "Just don't bore me with it... Fancy a pint?"

"No..." Trent stuck out his bottom lip sulkily, "Not until Sally comes back..."

"Comes back?"

"Comes back here..."

"What makes you think she's coming back?"

"But..."

"I told you - they had problems with her - she's being recycled..."

"WHAT!?! I've got to see her..."

Trent tried to push passed him but Reggie was blocking the way...

"No point..." he said, "She'll be a pile of scrap by now..."

---

"So how can I help?"

"Well Mavis - it'll become clear - but it's familiar territory..."

"The man Yen from Green Meadows..."

"Only partly! Remember the hammer? Bowen?" Mavis nodded, “…And your friend Helena?"

"HELENA?"

"The Cow Parade..."

"That's connected!?!"

"Definitely... She's their leader now - although Bowen may think he is... We have to stop they're invasion attempt - we have to stop Helena... They're plans threaten to change the face of this planet..." Rwanda held out a photo, "The grass has been getting very long lately... Hyde Park, Green Park, St James, Regent's Park..."

Mavis flicked through the photos - before and after shots of local London Parks - Rwanda was right... Hyde Park was becoming a total jungle...

"How did it get to this stage so quickly..."

"Mutant grass seed..." Rwanda paused, "What I forgot to mention is the time difference between the pictures - it was only a matter of hours in most cases... A little drizzle of rain and the seeds have been sprouting... But it's spreading - beyond the Parks..."

"The cow statue..."

"That was the trigger - there are others... London will become one vast field before long if we don't intervene..."

"How can we intervene?" Mavis was finding the telepathy increasingly easy - almost pleasant and relaxing, "How do we stop this happening?"

"We must find your friend - Helena... She's a cow..."

"That's a bit personal isn't it..."

But Rwanda didn't smile, "No - I mean it quite literally... We must get to Helena before Bowen does..."

"Then let's go..."

It made sense - the urgency appealed to her - there was no reason to delay...

Mavis was back in business - but with a new partner...

Meanwhile - elsewhere - her old partner was having her own adventures!!!

---

Samantha sat in a Vegas airport bar and hoped that sometime soon she’d catch up with her racing mind – at the moment it was all a bit much to take in…

CAROL – SIMON – THE EVENTS IN NEW YORK… HER WHOLE LIFE OVER THE PAST WEEK OR SO WAS FAKE – A LIFE CREATED BY YEN – WITH YEN PASSING HIMSELF OFF AS SIMON SO THAT HE COULD BE WITH HER… HE’D PROMISED TO RETURN HER HOME SAFELY TO HER REAL LIFE… HE’D BEEN LYING…

Reading the letter had done it – but goodness knew why it had caused that reaction…

There was one good thing and one good thing only so far… With the mask of her life as Carol now shed aside at least she recognized herself again – knew where she stood as far as her own existence was concerned! (Or at least presumed she did…) NO – SHE DID! (she assured herself!) She also seemed to recognize Simon as Yen – his features changed again – not hidden by a bag… The letter had even broken through Yen’s new appearance…

Samantha drained her coffee cup and ordered another – she had panicked and fled the hotel – headed straight for the airport on the outskirts of the city – but as yet she had no further plans… She had to get out of Vegas – that was obvious – but she wasn’t sure who to run to – where to go… Back to the U.K. – but where then – Yen would try and find her… She wracked her brains for who else she could turn to back home – she couldn’t find the names or faces… Her mother – her friends… That was where things got confusing… Yen had told her that known of the names she knew were real acquaintances of hers – was that a lie too…

RAY – GAIL – STUART – MARKUS – PATRICIA RUTH (HER MOTHER…)

She felt a sudden stab of regret – if Patricia was her mother – hadn’t somebody told her she was now dead??? What of those other names…

“Excuse me dear – you’re spilling your coffee…”

Samantha looked up suddenly, she was too and so righted her fresh cup of latte and mopped herself up, “How stupid… Thank you…”

She looked up to see who had spoken – the accent was British – the speaker was an elderly lady loaded with luggage, “Never mind dear…” said the lady, “It’ll wash out… Are you from back home – I’ve just arrived…”

“I am from back home – but I was just heading back there…” said Sam absentmindedly dabbing at herself – the woman was staring at her, “Is something else wrong…”

“No dear…” said the lady, “I just thought I recognized you that’s all – my name’s Edie…”

DID SHE KNOW AN EDIE??? SHE DIDN’T REMEMBER ONE…

“My name’s Samantha…” said Samantha, “Samantha Ruth…”

It was as if she’d slapped the woman in the face – she literally jumped back a pace, “GOOD GOLLY!” she exclaimed, “I DO KNOW YOU – MAVIS WILL NEVER BELIEVE IT!”

---

He hadn't meant to hit Reg Copper as hard as he did...

"I'VE GOT TO SEE HER..."

"No point... She'll be a pile of scrap by now..."

That had made him cross - VERY cross...

Trent had punched him - full in the jaw and sent him staggering back with a crack of the skull to the doorway and he'd fallen...

When Trent had left him he was still in existence - he hadn't faded away into nothing - he was just lying quietly that's all - bound up on Trent's bed...

Reg Copper was a strong man - a "being" of great power - a casual slug to the jaw by anyone other than Trent would have had no effect at all... But a punch from another being of such power - well - that was like one tough guy hitting another tough guy...

Reg Copper was down and out for the count...

Trent hadn't meant to be so rough - he hadn't planned it - but it was done now...

Oh, Sally...

"I think I know what to expect..."

She'd realised her fate even before he had!

With Reg quiet and unmoving on the bed Trent had been quick thinking and had pressed his palms to Copper's - taking an imprint - just incase he could no longer get access to certain areas - just incase there was a conspiracy...

He wouldn't put anything past them now...

---

She had to be somewhere here, reasoned Yen – she couldn’t possibly have gotten away already – not yet – not at this time of the early morning… She couldn’t possibly have arranged a flight and fled the country already…

Yen paced the airport terminal – perhaps she’d already gone through customs – he’d never find her if that was the case…

Yen stood by a bay of telephones and tried to concentrate – tried to picture her…

“Carol…” he whispered, “Carol…”

Nothing.

“Samantha… SAMANTHA…”

Suddenly he could see her – nearby – drinking coffee and talking with somebody…

Yen opened his eyes – she was up on the floor above and she hadn’t even got as far as buying herself a ticket…

“There’s time yet…” he said to himself, “Time to get my Carol back…”

---

“I don’t understand how you know me and yet I don’t know you…” sighed Samantha.

“We were investigating your case… Or to be more specific – we were investigating the disappearance of your mother – and the involvement of your friends…”

“I really don’t understand…” Sam found herself saying – how could this old woman be involved with the Police – she looked about 101… (Which was about right, actually…)

“Nor do we understand…” explained Edie, “We lost track of your mother – but we traced one of her neighbours to Green Meadows clinic where we met a man called Bowen and learnt of another man called…”

“YEN…”

“That’s right dear!”

But Samantha wasn’t listening any more, “HE’S HERE…” she gasped, “HE’S FOUND ME ALREADY – I SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN SO STUPID…” Edie looked – expecting to see a man with a bag on his head – but she could see nobody of that description – although a gentleman did appear to be hurrying up the escalators and heading towards the café… “FIRE ESCAPE…” Samantha called out to the waiter, “I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE QUICKLY…” The waiter looked confused but pointed to a side door – Samantha noticed that Edie was already there and holding the exit open wide…

“What are you doing…” hissed Sam.

“Helping you get away…” Edie hissed back.

“You can’t come with me…”

“I don’t intend to dear – but I can cause a diversion – NOW HURRY…”

Samantha looked surprised but didn’t argue and hurried away down the fire escape. Edie turned away and pulled the door tightly shut – the man who Sam appeared to be escaping from – the man who usually wore the bag was striding towards the café.

Edie knew what was to be done as he pushed towards her, buffeting past her without recognition, “THIEF!!” cried Edie, “THIEF – THAT MAN JUST STOLE MY PURSE!!!”

---

Trent stared down at the conveyor belt…

All that was left of Sally he held in the palm of his hand…

One eyebrow – an eyeball and the remains of her voice unit which kept gurgling away gently to itself but seemed unable to form proper words or sentences…

"I think I know what to expect..."

“I’m taking you with me Sally…” he muttered to himself.

He’d come so well prepared – managed to make his way to the recycling chamber and pick up provisions for his journey on the way using Reg Copper’s palm print.

Now it was for nothing…

All he had left was the case… Samantha…

“Don’t worry Sally… You’ll be safe with me…” he cooed and gently cradled the eyeball – transferring it gently into his pocket…

“YOU’LL NEVER LEAVE – NEVER LEAVE – OFF THE CASE – NEVER LEAVE – NEVER LEAVE TRENT DIAMOND – NEVER LEAVE – LEAVE – LEAVE – LEAVE…”

There were voices in his mind – Reg Copper – Phyllis Jet – Arnold Da Silver and some of the others – but he couldn’t make out what they were saying – all he knew was that they didn’t want him to leave…

“Tough…” muttered Trent and closed his eyes, “Don’t worry Sally…” he muttered into the pocket where what was left of his companion lay quietly, “This might be a tad bumpy – but I’ll get you out of here…” Concentrating very, very hard to blot out the voices Trent projected his mind through time and space – he was rejuvenated – he could do it now – he had the strength… It wasn’t too difficult – and sure enough Trent soon felt his feet leave the ground – he felt the world spinning away from him…

Trent was on his way – back on course – back on the case…

---

“THIEF-THIEF – THAT MAN JUST STOLE MY PURSE!!!”

Edie’s cries had created a definite diversion – Sam could hear shouting from above as she bolted off down the fire escape. But in the long run it didn’t give her much of a head start…

She made her first and biggest mistake early on…

Once out of the fire escape – rather than hurry around the side of the building and back into to the main entrance of the airport – losing herself amongst people – she just kept running out into open desert… Through a hole in the fence and away – but she soon realized that this wasn’t a good move – there was nowhere for her to hide except for a small outcrop of rocks which she was certain she would never reach in time to conceal herself…

“SAMANTHA!” Yen was out of the fire escape and after her already… “SAMANTHA – COME BACK – I CAN EXPLAIN!!”

Sam didn’t let herself give up – she persevered – the outcrop might, as yet, be some way off – but once she reached it she would gain cover and could then outmanoeuvre him… She was faster – probably fitter than him too – she would tire him out… She kept on running…

“SAMANTHA PLEASE… I REALISE THIS HAS BEEN QUITE A SHOCK – BUT THIS IS WHAT WE AGREED – A TRIAL LIFE – THAT’S WHY I’M HERE – IT HASN’T WORKED… WE WERE JUST TRYING IT OUT TO SEE WHO YOU REALLY WERE…”

LIAR. (Thought Sam.) LIAR!!!

She wondered what he’d try and pull off next – what lies he’d claim… But then suddenly he stopped running… Samantha slowed too… Yen was looking up at the sky… He looked scared – there was a black cloud hovering over him – he was dimmed by shadow…

“OH MY GOD!!!” he screamed.

It wasn’t a black cloud… The shadows got bigger… Samantha looked up…

It was a building – a pub – and it was falling down from the sky onto Yen…

DOWN – DOWN – DOWN…

Yen tried to run – but he couldn’t get away quickly – Samantha tried to call out to him – but couldn’t think what to say – it was all happening so quickly…

The pub landed on him – squashed him fully with a scream and what may well have been a squelch… Samantha just stood and stared – no matter what she felt for him she had never imagined Yen being squashed by a falling pub in the prime of his life…

Sam could hear sirens – Police cars streaming across from the airport – she could hear the old lady still calling out, “STOP THIEF – STOP…”

But it was too late – Yen could do no more damage…

It was then she remembered the image she’d seen on the karaoke screen when she’d been Carol – the image of the time traveling pub… It had all come to pass… A vision of the future – now the reality of the present…

EPILOGUE :

Paul continued to stare into the room... Locked out of his own office... This meant trouble... He had set PART 5 to be posted by this very morning (Wednesday 18th September...) - but had planned to work on his original draft of events for PART 6 today in time for posting on Friday... But now Fatima was working at the keyboard... If he couldn't stop her from tampering with what had happened then he could never be sure at what would be going up on the site... Future's could be changed or influenced... It was too dreadful even to contemplate...

She was posting something now... A separate post from the one he'd authorised for today... he could make the words out clearly - it was as if she'd made them larger on the screen just to tease him...

Welcome to Ongoing LL Bowen!

In today’s installment, we go straight to the West-End Kitchen, where our hero and mentor LL Bowen himself has kindly granted a brief, but illuminating interview. Our reporter Andrew Horner sends us the details.

Horner: LL Bowen! How are you?

Bowen: Well, hello there! May I first say what an honour it is for you to meet me, and how dapper I look today?

Horner: A lot of people are wondering, how exactly, do you keep your hair so soft and silky?

Bowen: Mm. Good question. I always use “Shampoo a la Bowen” a secret blend of herbs and minerals, for all hair types, which helps keep my gorgeous hair smooth and manageable.

Horner: Really? And where can I buy this wonder product? From Boots?

Bowen: For example, yes.

Horner: LL Bowen, sir, what makes you tick? A lot of readers are very curious.

Bowen: Understandably. Of course, a lot of information is readily available in my new autobiography, “Enough About Me - (only joking!)” which I strongly advise people to buy and read, it’s beautifully written. But there is an important message I would like to get across in this interview. I have been an influential writer for many years now, but my talent has created some jealousy. There is one individual, Paul Chandler, who has decided not only to try and censor my work, but has actively set out to destroy my image. He has depicted me recently as some kind of cheap two-dimensional villain with a penchant for silly costumes and crazy delusions.

Horner: That’s horrible! What about your charity work, and…

Bowen: Please, I don’t like to mention my charity work.

Horner: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to advertise your sterling tireless work for charity.

Bowen: That’s all right. Just don’t mention my charity work again.

Horner: But what about your visions for a better world? Where everyone will live in peace and harmony, with lovely shiny hair? What about your plans to change London into a green paradise where your 2000 metre statue will provide a beacon of hope and joy for millions?

Bowen: Well, this Paul character seems to think it’s not such a good idea!

Horner: We must dispose of him immediately!

Bowen: I’m afraid so. Yet…there is more.

Horner: What is it sir?

Bowen: I want to find a girl called Sam. You’re out there aren’t you Sam? I do all this for you. Events recently have conspired to keep us apart. We haven’t been able to reach each other. I have been locked up, attempts have been made on my life, and you, you have been carried away, your mind clouded. Come home to me Sam. We can create a world together. All our ideas and dreams can become real. Listen to the truth.

Horner: Well, readers, we’ll finish there. Not only is the manager asking us to leave, since we haven’t actually bought any food, but LL Bowen seems overcome with emotion. Join us again some day for more insights into the fascinating thoughts of the Great LL Bowen! I’m off to buy some of that wonderful shampoo!

Coming Up on Ongoing LL Bowen -

How to create the perfect bathroom for under £35.

“Enough about Me” - reviewed.

LL Bowen - The Early Years.

Paul closed his eyes... "Fatima..." he called out to her through the glass, "Fatima what have you done... This doesn't change anything... You're only confusing things... Do you hear me Fatima..."

But Fatima sat and stared at the screen - there was more Bowen news on the way...

She was muttering to herself - muttering his instructions - his mantra...

"Soon people will be more interested in Bowen than in the events of the Saga - soon none of that will matter - the lies... Nobody will care a jot about what else happens - who else might be involved or what mind-numbing adventures they are having... Soon only one man will matter - and that man is L.L. Bowen - soon - very soon..."

"Not if I can help it..." thought Paul to himself.

"But you can't help it, Paul..." said a voice in his ear.

Everything went dark.

What will happen next...

Will Paul survive to live another day and to keep the Saga running? Even with Fatima rapidly losing control and following Bowen’s plans for the future…

Will Mavis and Rwanda be able to contact Helena and persuade her to reverse plans to turn London to grass and allow Bowen to be London’s new ruler??

Is Yen dead or destroyed? How will this effect his other personalities? Will Trent seek his revenge or merely make more trouble for everyone?

What will have become of the crew of the time travelling pub? Will Edie be able to explain things to Samantha before it all gets way too bizarre…

Please Contribute to Part 6 - or at least write to us at : PCBEECHES@HOTMAIL.COM to tell us you're still reading...

COMING SOON :

PART SIX WILL FOLLOW BY FRIDAY 20TH SEPTEMBER...

THE SAGA WILL THEN BREAK UNTIL THE SECOND WEEK OF OCTOBER TO ALLOW FOR FURTHER CONTRIBUTIONS TO BE RECEIVED.

PLEASE SEND IN YOUR COMMENTS, IDEAS, E-MAILS, FULLY WRITTEN SEGMENTS FOR EPISODES (YOU DON’T HAVE TO WRITE A FULL EPISODE!) WE WILL TRY AND USE EVERYTHING WE RECEIVE…

DON’T LET THE ONGOING SAGA BECOME THE LL BOWEN SAGA!!!!

THE FUTURE OF THE SAGA DEPENDS ON YOU ALL…

Friday, September 13, 2002

AN ONGOING SAGA

SERIES 2 - STORY 1...

PART FOUR : BEAT SURRENDER... By Fatima the Fantabulous. With Contributions by the lovely L.L. Bowen.

Last Episode : In which Rwanda reads a diary - Lavinia reads poetry and meets an old friend - Gail descends into the pit and Arnold Da Silva seeks Ray's assistance in removing the golden cow...

This Episode : In which escape seems unlikely - Bowen shows his strengths - Edie goes on holiday and Mavis gets mail...

Taking the envelope into the bedroom Carol sat on the edge of the bed with the curtains still open wide - gazing out onto the shiny lights of Vegas nightlife... There was a crumpled, folded sheet of note paper within and another note (unsighed) attached...

"YOU LEFT THIS BEHIND IN YOUR OLD LIFE... PERHAPS YOU MIGHT LIKE IT BACK..."

Her old life?

Carol's head was still throbbing - from the heat - from too much alcohol - from just about everything that had happened of late she reckoned...

HER OLD LIFE!?!

Carol took the crumpled scrap of paper from the envelope and opened it up...

CHECK OUT THE NEW EPISODE POSTED TODAY - FRIDAY 13TH SEPTEMBER - AND PART THREE POSTED : TUESDAY 10TH SEPTEMBER 2002...

PART FIVE WILL BE POSTED BY WEDNESDAY 18TH SEPTEMBER 2002...PART SIX WILL FOLLOW ON FRIDAY 20TH SEPTEMBER - THE SERIES WILL THEN TAKE A BREAK UNTIL EARLY OCTOBER TO ALLOW FOR FURTHER CONTRIBUTIONS...

SERIES 2, STORY 1 WILL RUN UNTIL MID OCTOBER...

SERIES 2, STORY 2 WILL RUN FROM EARLY NOVEMBER UNTIL CHRISTMAS 2002...

SERIES 3 WILL BEGIN IN THE NEW YEAR - BUT ONLY IF WE DON'T GET AXED...

THAT'S UP TO YOU FOLKS!

PLEASE SEND IN YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS!!!

STAY TUNED...

PAUL!

AN ONGOING SAGA - SERIES 2 - STORY 1...

PART FOUR : BEAT SURRENDER... By Fatima the Fantabulous. With Guest-star contributions by the lovely L.L. Bowen.

Last Episode : In which Rwanda reads a diary - Lavinia reads poetry and meets an old friend - Gail descends into the pit and Arnold Da Silva seeks Ray's assistance in removing the golden cow...

This Episode : In which escape seems unlikely - Bowen shows his strengths - Edie goes on holiday and Mavis gets mail...

RECAP : "I'M TELLING YOU WE CAN'T ESCAPE GAIL..." bellowed Ray - lost somewhere in the gloom, "THE PIT'S COLLAPSING IN - THE EARTH HAS FALLEN ON THE TRAP DOOR AND BLOCKED IT..."

Suddenly the ladder felt very unsafe too, Gail looked down - trying to see where Arnold Da Silver had got to - but there was dirt in her eyes and she could barely see...

"THE ROOF'S COLLAPSING..." a chunk of earth caught her on the left side as it fell as it fell and she lost her grasp for a second - she couldn't hear Ray any more - the earth was filling her ears and she felt the ladder buckle and crack...

"PLEASE..." she heard herself cry - but she had earth in her mouth - something large fell passed her in the dark and she knew it was Ray - just knew it...

Please...

But no attempt to cry for help could save them now...

It was too late - they were all being buried alive...

PROLOGUE :

Fatima and Paul were sitting in the Ongoing Saga office.

A clock ticked loudly in the background.

Paul was fiddling with a bit of sellotape.

A fly banged itself against the window.

Fatima yawned. "Fancy a cup of...?"

"No. No, no no." said Paul wearily. He had been asked if he wanted a cup of cocoa every two minutes since January.

"Oh it's no good!" yelled Fatima suddenly with exasperation. Paul dropped the sellotape at the sudden burst of noise.

"Ok! I'd love a cup of cocoa!" he said in an attempt to calm the situation.

"No. I didn't mean cocoa. Do you realise no-one has contributed to the Saga since July?"

"Mm." Murmured Paul.

"It's obvious to me that we should stop with the Ongoing Saga."

"Mm." Said Paul.

"In fact, I'm sure of it. Let's call it a day. Pack it in. Drop it. Finish with the whole thing. Leave it. Pull the plug."

Paul sighed. Fatima jabbed him aggressively. "In fact, you know, I have a better idea. And it's sure to get more contributors."

"What's that then?"

"It's called the L.L. Bowen Appreciation Web-Site."

"Pardon?"

"Well, I realise that he's aleady got his own web-site (check out www.LLB.co.uk folks! It's great! Lots of gorgeous pictures of the God-Like LL Bowen!!) But it's NOT ENOUGH! We should make another one! People would be checking out our site in droves! We could call it Ongoing LL Bowen!"

Paul removed all the sharp objects from Fatima's desk, and began backing away slowly. "That's....a great...idea Fatima..."

Fatima continued raving. "You could write lyric poetry about him. What rhymes with Bowen? You know, we've had him all wrong. He's not really a sinister nutcase, as our web-site in previous weeks has misleadingly tried to suggest, he's a nice, gentle man, who just wants to make the world nicer for all of us!"

"Yes Fatima. You're right."

"Paul, why are you leaving the room?"

"I...just wanted to make myself some cocoa. Would you like any?"

"No. Can't stand the stuff."

"Back in a minute!" said Paul, as Fatima gushed on and on about how wonderful LL Bowen was. And you know, LL Bowen is a great guy. Nice hair. Snappy dresser as well. Ongoing LL Bowen. Hmm, good idea, don't you think, readers?

-----

Las Vegas...

Carol sighed - it seemed to be a National pastime - sighing with disatisfaction at things - a universal sport...

But she felt hurt - hurt that he had taken her claim as a joke...

Simon had just laughed at her, "Pink elephants was it love..." he'd grinned - but she knew what she had seen...

"...A space ship - but in the shape of a pub..."
she tried to explain, "You have to believe me - I saw it on the screen - a pub - but it was floating through space and time - hovering over the earth - hovering over us all... ...It's a vision..." she had heard herself whisper, "...A vision of the future..."

It WAS very odd - she was the first to admit that - to see a time travelling pub on the screen at a karaoke bar where one would usually see the words to the song one was attempting to murder...

So was it? A vision of the future, that is?

She supposed she'd have to wait and see...

Simon had teased her on the way home - she'd said nothing... They'd popped into Caesars bar and he'd got chatting to someone that they'd met on the train... After half an hour or so - when they'd begun comparing notes about old Rolling Stones records she had made her excuses and returned to her room...

There by the door - on the mat - was an envelope - pushed under the door she guessed...

The envelope was addressed to her.

Taking it into the bedroom she sat on the edge of the bed with the curtains still open wide - gazing out onto the shiny lights of Vegas nightlife... There was a crumpled, folded sheet of note paper within and another note (unsighed) attached...

"YOU LEFT THIS BEHIND IN YOUR OLD LIFE... PERHAPS YOU MIGHT LIKE IT BACK..."

Her old life?

Carol's head was still throbbing - from the heat - from too much alcohol - from just about everything that had happened of late she reckoned...

HER OLD LIFE!?!

Carol took the crumpled scrap of paper from the envelope and opened it up...

A letter... A letter which she recognised - which she used to know by heart...

"My Immortal Beloved. I journey without joy, until I can feel the peace of being at home. My home is nowhere. It is not a place. It is with the heart that I love. I hug and kiss you 1,000,0013 times in my closed eyes. It is a pain that kills me 365 times a year. I may never know the sense of that closeness again. I travel, and I move. I never stay still. Be calm my love. Be still. For I can never be as long as we are far. Ever yours, ever mine, ever ours."

Her old life...

Now she understood!

----

London...

It was the end of another quiet day for Mavis and she was shuffling the last few postcards away for filing when Edie called...

"Are you still working dear - it's nearly Six O'clock..."

"Just winding down Edie dear - where are you - the airport?"

Edie was due to fly out that evening - the tickets had come through and she was all packed and ready to go - nervous, yet excited!

"I'm at the airport, Mave..." Edie confirmed, "I wish you could come with me..."

"Well I can't dear - you're so lucky... Have you gone through customs yet?"

"All through - got to wander down to the departure lounge in about half an hour..."

"Good - good..."

Mavis was feeling guilty - although seeing how much all this had cost her she reasoned she had no right to feel bad. But on the other hand she would have liked to have gone away too - like they usually did! What had she been thinking!?! Paying for Edie to go to Vegas just to get her out of the way - for an easy life... To help her forget about Helena vanishing...

"I don't know what's wrong with me..." Mavis had found herself mumbling earlier, "It's not like me..."

She wasn't her usual self - that was for sure! Helena vanishing - Matron's mysterious visit - the stolen cows... Usually she would have jumped at the chance to follow it all up - to have learnt more... But after what had happened to her and Edie - to the Green Meadows home - to Ray and Gail - to Stu and Markus - to Spectrum Street - it was all too much...

Her spirit of adventure was dead.

"What have you been up to today Mavis?"

Mavis started - busy day dreaming - almost forgetting she was in the middle of a phone call, "Oh - this and that... Had a postcard from Blackpool where the writer thought the beach was possessed by the spirit of a sheep-skin rucksack..."

"A hoax..."

"Looks like it... There was another one from Tunisia - some odd goings on in a sauna - best to let the locals deal with that one so I passed the details to the Overseas unit... Anyway - it's all been very quiet - nothing special..."

"But you're alright Mavis are you? I'm worried about leaving you - you don't seem your usual self..."

Mavis attempting a glib laugh, "Ha! Edie love! That's nothing - I'm fine - may take a day or two off myself and go a track down Fatima..."

She wished she'd not said that, "You're going to stir up trouble! Oh Mave - that's not fair - wait until I get back!"

"No - I'm not going to stir any trouble up - I'd just like to go out for the day..."

"You could have come with me..."

"No - no... Listen - you run along now - don't miss your flight..."

"But Mavis..."

"Bye now dear - bye bye..." Hurriedly Mavis dropped the receiver down on its rest and sunk back in her seat, "Oh dear - oh dear - oh dear..."

Mavis switched off her computer - it was time to go home - enough for one day...

-----

Bolton Castle, nr Askrigg, North Yorkshire...

"Oh my God... Oh my God, Gail..."

Lavinia stood at the edge of what had once been the pit but was now a shallow earth filled depression...

"Careful lady..." It was the Constable, P.C. Pennylane... "What's going on here - running past all those people like that - thought you'd had your bag snatched or something..."

"No Constable - it was nothing like that..."

"Well what exactly WAS it then?"

She couldn't make him out - the earth had been shaking - the cow noises had filled the air - she had simply ran - ran to the pit - expecting others to follow her... But now all was silent - it was just her - the Constable and the area of dirt which had once been a deep pit leading to a trap door...

"Well Miss?"

Lavinia forced back the urge to cry - the fear of what might have happened, "It's the hole Constable - the pit - it's collapsed in on itself - my friends - they went down there - they'll be trapped..."

"What hole might that be then?"

"Well it's not there now obviously! But you remember - after those people collapsed - my friends Ray and Gail were investigating the noises - the ones we all heard yesterday - and just now...

"Don't know what you mean Miss - don't remember any noises..."

"But just a minute ago..."

"No... I don't remember any hole... Listen - I ought to be getting back - shouldn't you be up on the stage - or perhaps you'd benefit from a lie-down...

Pennylane turned with a wave and headed back towards the tents and the stage and the crowds...

"But they're down there!" she cried out, "Down under the ground - they're buried - you've got to help them..."

But the Constable didn't appear to hear her...

There was only one thing for it...

Lavinia got down on her hands and knees and frantically she began to dig...

-----

Up on stage the crowds were cheering a new guest...

"We have a special guest now - quite unexpected... Author of - it says here - best-sellers DON'T I LOOK GREAT IN PEACH?, CYAN OF THE TIMES and ENOUGH ABOUT ME - ONLY JOKING! It's L.L. Bowen..."

There was a little ripple of applause and then Bowen appeared on stage...

"HELLO PEOPLE! HELLO! I can't believe it - I'm not actually supposed to be up here - but my good friend Lavinia Crump the world-famous poet has been distracted - called away elsewhere - so until she can get back here I'll be keeping you entertained... I could read you something from one of my books - but I thought it more fitting to read something of Lavinia's... I only hope I do it justice... It's a new poem - called Instructions to Life... I do hope you like it..."

INSTRUCTIONS TO LIFE.

I'm always losing something -
Been known to lose my mind!
Misplacing things important -
Which are very hard to find...
There must somewhere be a manual -
A code to help with strife -
A proper guide to everything -
Instructions to my life...
Attach Part A to right Slot B -
Then reverse the axis thus -
Some indication of what's right -
Would really be a plus!
Whether I should stay in bed -
Or whether go to work...
Whether I should frown a lot -
Or is it best to smirk?
Whether I should shut my mouth -
Or offer my own view?
Do I save my precious pennies -
Or join the Spring Sales queue?
Do I buy that new tight denim?
Does it suit my waif-like form?
Is my appetite for hunky men -
In truth a perfect norm?
Stalking my ex-boyfriends -
Is it wrong to sniff their clothes?
I need a guide to help me solve -
Trick questions such as those!
But when I call the makers -
Request they give a hint...
Writing back immediately -
Life Instructions -
OUT OF PRINT!

-----

Back at the pit Lavinia was still digging when she felt the earth begin to move beneath her (and not in a nice, exciting sexy manner either before you ask!) She jumped hurriedly back for fear that she might fall into the depths...

But instead something began to rise from the pit - it was a man - a man dressed in a soiled grey suit...

"I'm sorry!" he apologised as he brushed himself down, "Did I scare you..."

"What's happened to Ray and Gail..."

"Ahh..." said the man, "I'm Arnold Da Silver... I met your friends..."

"Are they alright?"

The man approached her - reaching out a hand, "Let me show you..." he said and smiled weakly.

Suddenly she was there...

The earth was falling around them - she was seeing things through his eyes - with his knowledge - she was in the cavern beneath the trap door - she knew that... She could see the ladder splitting as the earth tumbled around them - she could see the bodies... Gail - unconscious - smothered... Ray - his body twisted awkwardly from the fall - blood and soil covering his face... Everything was collapsing around her (him) - she kept on moving - ploughing her way up to the surface... There was nothing that she could do for them - it was too late - she just had to keep on moving - to save herself...

Lavinia reeled back - tears leaving rivulets down her muddy face, "Why didn't you just say no if you knew they weren't alright..."

"I'm sorry..." he apologised, "But now you know everything and there's no doubt in your mind..."

Pausing, Lavinia realised it was true - she knew it all - saw everything that Da Silver had seen in the past half hour - the experience passing to her in seconds... His meeting with Ray - the cow - Gail and the keyring - the earth fall - what had become of his friends...

...And more...

Arnold Da Silver was not just some casual passerby - he was special - no matter how bizarre it was he appeared to have shared all knowledge with her - and it didn't feel strange to her when she heard herself ask...

"Can't you simply reverse time?"

"Nothing is EVER SIMPLE when it comes to reversing time, my dear..." he sighed, "I'm afraid the answer is NO in this case - or I would have done... Believe me - I did try... There's a blockage..."

"Like in a drain..."

"Hmm..." Arnold let the ripple of a smile pass his lips, "I can't say I've ever heard time compared to a drain - but yes - that is am appropriate analogy I suppose... Unfortunately it's going to take more than a squirt of Domestos to get us out of this one..."

"But can it be done..."

Arnold frowned, "Not this time... I don't think so - well I certainly can't manage it... The balance is too precarious... If we time goes back then so does the statue and then we're open to other problems - that's just the start of it..."

Lavinia said nothing - she was still taking in everything that Arnold Da Silver had passed onto her - the shared thoughts and memories of the last few hours...

"Where did you get that?"

"I found it... It's a lucky rabbit's foot or something..."

"An unlucky calf's hoof... Edinburgh... This happened before in Edinburgh... He's here again... Bowen's here..."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Hurry Gail... HURRY!"

Lavinia blinked, "Bowen..." she said, "You were talking to Gail about Bowen - L.L. Bowen... The writer... How can he be involved?"

"Well my dear lady I'm afraid he is... But I'm afraid to say that he's far more than just an everyday writer..."

"He's here..." she said, "I was speaking to him only fifteen minutes ago..."

Arnold Da Silver seemingly perpetual frown creased further, "Well I must say - that really is rather rubbing it in... Can you show me where you last saw him?"

Lavinia nodded, "I heard him on stage - he was reading one of my poems..."

"Show me..." he repeated, "This could help..."

Arnold Da Silver took her hand and together they ran towards the crowds...

-----

"Carol?"

Simon needed a shower - he was exhausted but was far, far too drunk to be doing anything quite as complicated as removing his clothes and washing... Perhaps, he thought, he should just simply shower fully dressed - afterall his clothes were covered in cigarette smoke and would need cleaning anyway...

"CAROL..."

The apartment was empty...

He couldn't understand it - it made no sense...

Where was she? Surely she had come back to the room after she'd excused herself from conversations in the bar...

He searched the room - but she wasn't there...

It was then he found the envelope - the note and the crumpled letter...

"My Immortal Beloved. I journey without joy, until I can feel the peace of being at home. My home is nowhere..."


He recognised the letter - at least Simon didn't, but his original self did... Reading the letter filled him with fear - it meant the end... He was afraid of what it said... He had thought it gone - gone from her mind when he'd changed things - but now somebody had returned it to her... She would no longer be Carol... She would be Samantha again - and he Yen...

She'd be gone - or at least on the way to leaving... She'd know now - or at least suspect - that he hadn't returned her to her real life - but had attempted to alter her personality so that he and he alone could be with her... At every moment where she'd doubted who Carol was - he'd confused her and made sure that he was the only one she could trust...

He cursed the one who had returned the letter to her...

He cursed himself.

For, without a doubt, it was an element of himself who was to blame for it...

-----

Lavinia could hear him speaking in the distance - he was still up there on the stage reading her poetry in her absence...

How could it be? L.L. Bowen... Some kind of master criminal - some kind of... (She regarded the thoughts she'd received about him from Da Silver with horror and dismay - how could it be!?!) How could he be like this - not the shy and modest writer that he had once been... She knew he'd been ill - but this was ridiculous...

"This is the last poem I'm going to read - because we'll be taking a break - by which time I'm sure your host will have returned... As you can tell from my reading of Lavinia's work I am indeed a great fan of her work... So much that I have written a poem myself - inspired and dedicated to the lady herself - it's called Things Ain't What They Used To Be... (Part One) I think you'll enjoy it..."

She couldn't understand nor believe it - Bowen was about to read a poem that he claimed was his own... But it wasn't - it was hers - a poem she'd literally only just put the finishing touches to the night before - that existed only in rough notes and in her head - that he could not possibly have any access to...

"That's mine..." she heard herself gasp.

"He's taunting us..." said Arnold at her side, "He's been foraging around in your mind..."

"But..."

"He's not the man he once was Lavinia dear - he's like my kind now - he's become very powerful quite by accident..."

"What can we do - speak to him..."

"We have to get up on stage..."

They'd come through around the side of the Poetry Workshop tents and found their way blocked by a crowd as Bowen concluded his jolly banter and plunged into a reading of what he was claiming was infact a piece of his own writing...

THINGS AIN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE (PT ONE).

Things ain't what they used to be...
Nothing outlives change...
The shifting sands of time move on...
Drifting out of range...

There are no meringue birds,
In the old meringue trees...
Someone stole their nests...
As a witty student wheeze!
No Billy goats across the bridge,
Or evil troll beneath...
No toad residing in it's hole...
Or Wombles on the heath...

Things ain't what they used to be...
Nothing's built to last...
The quality has fallen -
All the great's have been recast...

E.T. no longer calls his Mam,
Daleks growing slow...
They prefer to just play Scrabble...
In a cosy bungalow...
The Rolling Stones no longer roll...
The Beatles busk in malls...
Bill and Ben no longer buddies,
The Friends no longer pals...

Things ain't what they used to be...
Now everyone's a "Star..."
"Classic's" two-a-penny...
Manufactured by the jar...

Alice fled her Wonderland...
The Thunderbirds have flown...
Harry Potter's lost his magic...
Jack's poor beanstalk overgrown!
The Famous Five are down to four...
The Secret Seven split...
Lassie's feeling selfish -
Even Postman Pat has quit!

Things ain't what they used to be...
Nothing's what it was...
Why can't it be like that again?
Because - BECAUSE - BECAUSE...

The last line of the poem died and was followed by a round of applause as Lavinia and Arnold Da Silver hit the stage. With a bow Bowen made his exit across the other side and without caring to explain themselves the two dashed after him and nearly knocked over the compere in their rush!

"He's gone..."

Across the other side of the stage there was no sign of Bowen...

"He must be in the crowds somewhere!" insisted Lavinia.

"No... He's gone - completely..." sighed Arnold, "Believe me... I know these things... Hmm..."

"What now..." said Lavinia - but she had spotted another familiar face waving down by the refreshments tent...

"Don't worry about it now Lavinia - Hazel's here for you now..." She wondered not how he know about Hazel - just accepted that he did... "Go to her... This is for me to deal with..."

She was going to protest - but something stopped her - a feeling a peace distracting her, "HAZEL!" Lavinia smiled brightly and waved back - so glad to see her - all else forgotten...

Arnold Da Silver watched her go - there was much to be done... Having shared his knowledge with her he had taken it away from her just as easily... Now Bowen was gone she was no more part of events...

It was not so easy for him to forget - Ray and Gail's loss still very much at the forefront of his mind...

As he prepared his mind the words that Bowen had read - Lavinia's new poem - rung ominously in his head...

Things ain't what they used to be...
Nothing's what it was...
Why can't it be like that again?
Because - BECAUSE - BECAUSE...

-----

When Mavis finally got home that evening all she wanted to do was rest... She'd given the Underground a miss - the red London buses too and she'd taken a taxi home instead...

"Back to normal..." she sighed as she reached Spectrum Street - but it was a cynical and sarcastic sigh...

Spectrum Street would never be the same...

Sure enough though all the rubble had been cleared away and the place was being rebuild - just not in brick... What had once been the corner shop was now a log cabin, their were a couple of igloo cottages half way down the street and another house made from bath foam... The residents of the road were pulling their lives back together - they were doing it quite eccentrically of course - but what could you expect... The residents of Spectrum Street had always been a trifle nutty at the best of times...

She still felt to blame.

The home she shared with Edie was one of only two homes in the street which remained brick...

"Potato Waffles, Fish fingers and beans..." Mavis muttered to herself - she was going to have jelly as well to celebrate Edie being away - she wasn't going to touch another salad (Edie's bland favourite) until her friends return...

As she pushed open the front door she found something blocking the way and had to reach around to allow the door to open fully...

She had mail - and not just letters, post cards and bills...

There was a parcel...

Picking up the pile of papers she carried them through to the kitchen... Her mind focussing on the more exciting of the items that had arrived. The parcel looked well bound and was covered in string and sellotape. Mavis took a sharp kitchen knife out of the drawer and began to cut to ties...

Her head felt light - she could hear somebody speaking - a voice reading her message...

"Dear Mavis and Edie... I am sending you this gift because I suspect it might be of some use to you... I was going to send it to you via Matron Ward-Sisters but I don't think she's in any shape to manage that now... Still - she'll make a wonderfully macabre hat stand... Have fun with the hammer. Lots of love. L.L. Bowen."

She didn't stop for a moment to consider where the voice might come from... Even when the voice changed in tone and the words became a warning...

"DO NOT OPEN THE PARCEL! DO NOT OPEN THE PARCEL! DANGER - DANGER - DANGER..."

Mavis did not react - she found that she was powerless to - instead she simply pulled away the last of the string and reached inside...

Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun Have fun!

EPILOGUE :

Paul peered into the Ongoing Saga office - Fatima appeared to be about to post something...

"Fatima - are you alright now - are you feeling better?"

Fatima said nothing...

Slowly Paul tiptoed up behind her - reading over her shoulder what she was about to post...

Helena was in the park. Overnight, many more decorative cows had appeared around her. There was a silver cow, a psycadelic cow, and a cow with a cape and a broomstick. It was a lovely day. The world looked so green and peaceful. As she basked in the idyllic sunlight, a rather dashing, elegantly dressed man strolled up to her. He was wearing a pink satin suit, and sunglasses. He stopped near her, and jauntily flicked back his lustrous flowing hair. Helena trembled in spite of herself. But when the enigmatic stranger removed his sunglasses...

"Master! It's you!"

"Why hello Helena! It's Me! LL Bowen."

She quivered. "Why have you come to see me? Have I done something wrong?"

"No no" said the gorgeously attired LL Bowen, patting her on the head.

"You're doing a simply fantastic job. I just wanted to check that everything was going according to plan..."

Indeed it was. Ever since she had met LL Bowen, she had been entranced by his extraordinary flair and creative vision. He had invited her back to his sumptous one-bedroom flat in Deptford, and shown her his plans, carefully outlined in crayon in a 99p bargain notebook from Boots. Oh, and how his schemes transcended those mundane pieces of paper! London, the tawdry grey capital of today would soon be a green grassy place full of parks.

Ornamental cows would dot the landscape. Lovely water features such as ponds and fountains would grace every corner. And the monumental centrepiece of it all...instead of that silly Canary Wharf with its flashing light, a towering 2000 metre high marble statue of LL Bowen, his hand held high, blowing a kiss to the world. His mane of silky hair set in stone forever blowly softly in an eternal wind. And in his head, a high-class revolving café. Inside his body, a superb shopping centre dedicated to interior decorating where people could buy fancy wallpaper, and cushions.

What a wonderful world it would be. And Helena was proud to be a tiny part of it. Yes LL Bowen! Yes! The plan is soon to be fulfilled. Goodbye sinful greedy London, and Hello Bowen City, capital of a bright new universe! A green, magical place where everyone will sing and dance with glee, and spend their free time decorating their living rooms. A beautiful dream.

Don't you think readers?

Don't you?

Come join us. Let us go hand in hand, skipping to a bright new future.

Proudly embrace the name LL Bowen...

Praise him, for he spreads happiness and joy for all of us!

Fatima's hand reached out to press post - but Paul caught her wrist...

"What's wrong dear?"

"You can't post that Fatima..." Paul gasped, "That's from Bowen..."

"Well he's sent it in dear..."

"But it's BOWEN Fatima - we're not accepting anything that he sends in... It hasn't even happened..."

"How do you know..."

"It's just his typical ramblings - his fantasies Fatima!"

Fatima laughed, "It's like Carol said in PART TWO..." she grinned, "...It's a vision of the future..."

What happens next?

Will Paul be able to keep the Saga running - even with Fatima rapidly losing control? Will Bowen make any further attempts at posting to the Saga? Will Mavis meet the same horrid fate as Matron when she opens the parcel? Can Yen find Samantha before her personality changes back for good? What will Edie find in Las Vegas? Will Siggtrigger and his men arrive in the future and are they in danger? Will Trent get back on the case? Will the truth about Sally be learnt? Will Rwanda learn any more about Barry's disappearance? Will Arnold Da Silver be able to rescue Ray and Gail from their deaths? Will Helena's cow parade take over London... Is the grass always greener?

Please Contribute to Part 5 - or at least write to us at PCBEECHES@HOTMAIL.COM to tell us you're still reading...

THE FUTURE OF THE SAGA DEPENDS ON YOU ALL!

COMING SOON :

PART FIVE WILL BE POSTED BY WEDNESDAY NEXT WEEK...
PART SIX WILL FOLLOW BY FRIDAY 20TH SEPTEMBER...


THE SAGA WILL THEN BREAK TO ALLOW FOR FURTHER CONTRIBUTIONS TO BE RECEIVED.