It's here...
Slightly earlier than advertised...
Enjoy...
AN ONGOING SAGA!!!
SUMMER SPECIAL :
MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER...
PART THREE OF THREE :
SUSPICIOUS MINDS...
By Paul Chandler & Fatima the Fantabulous.
Last Episode : In which Simon makes an acquisition - everyone either has visitors or goes out somewhere whilst Trent and Sally make plans for the future...
Carol learnt that Simon is somehow involved with the potential theft of Maxwell's Silver Hammer. Siggtrigger makes plans with Erik - whilst Sally and Trent try to work out what to do next. Lavinia meets her guests whilst Mavis confronts hers. Edie and Helena went to an unveiling ceremony where eventually Helena attempts to investigate the mystery of the glowing stone cow... She touches the statue and is drawn into it...
Edie and Mavis continued to search the park until the keeper arrived to close the gates 20 minutes later - there was no sign of Helena anywhere and her two friends were quite baffled as to what to do next and went off to find a policeman... (Just incase the "Poor old dear" had had some senile interlude which might have caused her to wander off and get herself lost in the streets of Mayfair...)
Inside the cow Helena closed her eyes and watched the other cows in the other parks - just shuffling their hooves in readiness for full scale movement around the streets of the city - not just yet - but sometime soon...
This Episode : In which cows cause problems - curiousity kills the cat - Sally and Trent run out of time and Maxwell's Silver Hammer is a "girl's" best friend...
PLEASE NOTE :
The events of this instalment occur approximately two weeks after the events in PART 50 of AN ONGOING SAGA series 1.
***
As evening rolled in Ray and Gail accompanied Lavinia to Bolton Castle for the opening oof the literature festival... The Castle stood on a hill overlooking the Wensleydale valley and the busily flowing river Ure. Tents were set up in the fields surrounding the castle and the grounds and castle itself was open especially for the evening and one of the wardens was running a ghost tour and telling tales of Queen Mary's brief visit to the area...
Lavinia had opened the festival by reading several of her more famous pieces - but was about to debut a new piece to finish off the evening before food and wine became the main topic of conversation to those who had gathered.
"What do you think of her poetry Gail?"
"It's rather like the stuff that her girlfriend writes - Hazel Wingfinder - I like it about the same..."
"...And how much do you like that?"
"...Not a lot..."
"Is it supposed to be humorous Gail..."
"I'll let you ask her..." grinned Gail, "I'll go and get us another drink..."
Ray nodded - neither of them had discussed what had happened back at the flat - their minds deliberately blanked of all they had seen there - their friends - Markus and Stuart - dead... The Police had turned up just at the wrong moment - summoned by an unknown caller - had arrested them - had it not been for Mavis...
Ray drunk the remains of his pint and turned back to the stage to take in Lavinia's new piece of work - she was about to begin...
"This is from my most recent collection and I call it - Woodpecker..." there was some small applause and then she began with a gentle cough...
WOODPECKER
She had a smile so sunny,
She was really, really nice...
She had a fear of donkeys -
And was so afraid of mice...
She had a house in Croydon -
And a cottage by the sea...
She lived in New York City -
But she would not live with me....
Oh - you're - a lovely Woodpecker-er...
But - you're eating stuff off of my tree...
You're - a lovely Woodpecker-er...
Why - don't you come and eat stuff with me...
Lavinia paused - Gail was returning with the two pints with a large smirk on her face, "Is that it?" she mouthed.
There was silence among the audience - Lavinia was definitely looking distracted as if she could hear a noise... Some of the audience could hear something now and in the quiet of the evening so could Ray and Gail...
"It sounds like a herd of cows..." said Ray.
Gail was looking at her feet, "Too right it does..." she agreed, "...And it's getting louder too... It's coming from down there..."
"Down where..."
"From under the ground..." exclaimed Gail...
Everyone was looking at their feet - the cow noise was growing louder - and then...
Silence...
The audience stopped looking at their feet and turned their attentions back to Lavinia instead, "How odd..." smiled Lavinia, "Now - where was I???"
***
The apartment was dark when Simon returned to it and he wondered whether Carol's interviews had morphed into a full on after hours sesh with the firemen...
"How'd the gallery visit go? Okay was it..."
He hadn't seen her there - sitting in the darkness, "Went fine - yeah - why you sitting there in the dark? Got a headache?"
"Not as such... You got what you went for..."
"Err yeah - think I'll be able to write a really good piece..."
"Not that - the thing you went to collect for Ms Newob..."
"You what?"
"The Hammer..." He nearly dropped his briefcase , "I'll take that as a yes then... Did you get it in an auction or did you have to steal it?"
"Listen Carol - I don't know what you think you know but I really don't know who this Newob woman is..."
"Don't pretend Simo... I spoke to her - I saw "her"... She said you were doing the job to pass the goods on..."
"Well I'm not - this is a purely personal purchase..." he flicked the lounge lights on, "Listen... I'll explain Carol - I promise I will - but you're going to have to tell me all you know about Ms Newob... This is important - you'll see that in time... So who is she?"
He had turned the questions on her now - put her on the spot good and proper...
This was not how she'd imagined this conversation going at all!!!
***
Barry was still rather under-wraps - he was writing on the scrap of paper that Fatima had left out for him before she'd left with Paul... It was difficult writing in crayon but he was doing his best...
"MY LIFE INSIDE AN EGG TIMER..." he had written as a heading - but was having trouble thinking of anything else.
Barry heard the front door bang to and was about to call out when he realised that the figure that was there in the room wasn't one of his two captors... The new arrival held a knife in his hand and was smiling, "I've come to set the record straight..." said the man - Barry couldn't quite make out who he was - but he had a sneaking suspicion, "I've come to show you the light..." continued the gent and ran a slim finger down the blade of the knife...
"What are you doing here..." gasped Barry, "I'd heard that - well - they said that..."
"There's no point in listening to them..." said the man. "Everyone but me is a liar..."
There was no doubting it as the man stepped from the shadows - it was him - as Barry had suspected - the man was a colleague - the man was L.L. Bowen to be precise...
***
"Congratulations Erik!" exclaimed Siggtrigger joyfully, "It rather looks as if you've just invented time travel..."
"Ttthank you Sir... Do you like it?"
"Do I like it!?" beamed the Captain, "Of course I like it fella - I love it - I embrace it with all my heart and cuddle it and coax it and whisper sweet nothings in it's ear..."
"Golly sir - you really do like it..."
"I do..." nodded Siggtrigger, "But the question is - does it work?"
The two vikings stood and stared - gazing around Ye Olde Kings Arms... The place was decked up with loads of tinsel and a rather nice Ye Olde dart board... To the casual onlooker, at first glance, the cosy Norse inn might have seemed unchanged or unexceptional - the bar, stools, lines of drinks in bottles and vats, lunchtime food menu,Ye Olde fruit machine with a small and rather modest hyper-drive attached around the back. That and a large pulsating, meakly revolving, time rotar which had been artily incorporated into a collage of Sweltewyn (the small village where the crew of the Norris were all based...)
"I hhhhave had a small try on it..." admitted Erik.
"You travelled solo?"
"Yyyyes Sir..."
"Goodness - but that could have been terribly dangerous Erik - although it doesn't seem to have done you any harm..."
"Iiiit was fine, Sir..."
"What about the problems we had last time - of not being able to stay in the future and getting sent straight back after a day or so - will that happen again?"
"Nnnot now Sir... The first time we travelled we were assisted by the other sub... But I took a look at their systems when we were visiting - adapted their technology and made significant adjustments! We can travel as much as we like and stay as long as we like since I inserted the DennisSpooner Drive... It's made from the innards of a depressed duck, sir and really goes like the clappers!"
"Fantastic..." the Captain rubbed his hands together excitedly, "Well done Erik... So where, may I ask, did you go to on your little jaunt?"
"I visited a Homebase Superstore in the year of our Norse 1997 in the town of Newport Pagnell which is in the country, U.K..."
"No problems?"
"Nnnone at all, Sir... I brought home with me a multi-purpose home perm set which I have begun to use..."
"Erik old boy... I should have guessed - I thought your hair had just gone curly due to excess travelling... It looks very good I must say..."
"Ttthank you Sir... Still a little frizzy of course..."
"No Erik - it looks just fine..." Siggtrigger gave his second in command a jolly pat on the perm and then looked serious once again, "So when do we leave? In the morning..."
"Wwwell Sir - I took the liberty of sending a carrier pigeon to all the crew and they're already on their way..."
"So we can leave now?"
"Aaas soon as they all get here, yes - sir..."
"MAGNIFICENT!" Siggtrigger whisked Erik up and twirled him above his head in a act of pure joy and celebration.
"Ccccould you put me down, Sir..." called Erik, "I'm feeling a little sick..."
"Sorry Erik - got carried away - I forgot myself for a moment - I used to be into baton twirling when I was younger - I was a cheer leader - for a second back there I mistook you for a baton - terribly sorry old chap..."
"Nnno problem, Sir..." smiled Erik, "I think I here the men arriving - I shall just let them in and then we can all make a move..."
Siggtrigger nodded, "Magnificent..." he muttered, "Sally's not going to like this one bit..."
***
Lavinia, Ray and Gail were up at dawn the morning after the poetry evening at the Bolton Castle literature festival. There was much to be done and Lavinia was introducing the main items of the day and wanted to rehearse before the crowds arrived. So it was at about 6 O'clock that warm summer morning that Ray and Gail watched Lavinia practising her links on the main stage - although, typically, they soon became distracted...
"What are you doing Ray?" Gail had finished a mug of coffee and was staring with great interest at what appeared to be Ray's attempt at gardening...
"I'm just having a little dig..."
"What for?"
"I was just curious..."
"About what?"
"That noise... The noise we heard coming from down here... The moo-ing..."
"Don't Ray - don't let's get involved in any more mysteries... So - there's a herd of cows moo-ing somewhere nearby and the sound carried..."
"The sound came from under the ground..." Ray reminded her, "Don't tell me you've forgotten - you heard it all just as well as I did..."
"But how can there be cows - underground Ray... Do you think there could be a cave down there - cellars full of cattle perhaps..."
"I checked - no cattle in cellars linked to this castle at all... I even checked out the plans in the castle museum..."
"So what can it be? Ghost cows?"
"Could be..."
"Please stop digging Ray - you'll make a mess - you don't know what you might find - someone might die again..."
But Ray wasn't listening - not to Gail - not to Lavinia - he was too busy digging...
From the top of Bolton Castle the local vicar watched with great curiousity, "Hmm..." he muttered to himself, "I always knew that one day someone would come..."
***
"Sally, you've put on weight..." sighed Trent as he hobbled along the street toward Ye Olde Kings Arms.
"It must be my brain getting significantly more educated..."
"The weight of knowledge..."
"Exactly..."
"What's that?"
"What's what?"
"That light..."
Sure enough there was a light - bursting forth through the trees, "It's the pub... Goodness Trent - the whole pub looks like its on fire..."
"That's not fire... It's... It's... I don't know what that is!!! But it kind of looks familiar..."
Ye Olde Kings Arms stood in a clearing - much busier than any pub had right to be at such an early hour of the morning... It was alive with light - obviously full to the brim with people and seemed to be surrounded by a halo of light...
"Their having a party..." fumed Sally, "...Or an orgy..."
"Really? Shall we go in..."
But Sally and Trent never got the chance... The air was filled with the sound of seventy three violins being played by a very large whippet in a small childs bonnet - and suddenly the light was gone...
Ye Olde Kings Arms was gone with it...
"Good lord..."
"Where have they gone?"
"I remember that light now..." said Trent suddenly, "That's the light of time travel - I saw it when I was brought here..."
"Are you saying that my Siggy has gone and turned that pub into a time machine..."
"Him or somebody else - well - yes..."
"But now they're gone..."
"Perhaps they'll be back Sally..."
"Yeah - right..." Sally's face fell, "They've gone and they've left us and now we're going to be stuck in this god forsaken village in the dim and distant past without even a pub to drown our sorrows in..."
"Oh..." said Trent, now feeling equally as dismal, "I hadn't thought of that..."
***
Everything was silent now - but their evening had been spoilt...
She and Simon had spent what little time was left of it arguing over the Silver Hammer and the mysterious Ellie Newob - Simon claimed never to have heard of her and it now seemed that all her accusations were unfounded...
"So have you got it with you?"
"Got what with me?"
"The Hammer Simon..." Silence... "What's in the briefcase..."
"The Hammer Carol..."
"So you did steal it?"
"I never stole anything... I'm looking after it..."
"Oh right - and do journalists usually get to look after such important ancient artifacts..."
"You know full well that I'm more than just a journalist..." (I do???) "This is my job Carol..." (It is? She remembered considering that option - undercover detective... Why couldn't she remember for sure what he did for a living...) "You know why we came over to the States - what's wrong with you..."
"I don't know..." she'd admitted.
"Describe this woman to me - Ellie whatsisname..."
"Newob... She said she was from next door - that you were working for her..."
"Did she - well I checked - nobody lives next door... Ellie Newob - that's SO got to be a false name... She probably turned up thinking you'd got the Hammer - thinking she could take it..."
"She did look a little like a man..."
"She was probably the criminal we were looking for - you let her escape Carol - I warned you to be careful..." (When had he warned her? When? She couldn't remember ever having spoken about it - and yet... "We almost had our man..." Simon had snapped and then marched off to bed - locking the briefcase away in a big wall safe in the apartment.
...She'd followed him to bed soon after - Simon had his eyes closed and appeared to be sleeping - but Carol just lay there - listening to the silence...
KERRCLUMPFISSSSSSSSSSSSS...
In the room next door something light skittered across the floor - something knocked or dropped or scattered sideways...
They were not alone...
Carol jumped from her bed and crept towards the door - there was movement next door - the front of the safe was hanging loose - the briefcase containing the hammer was spilt of it's contents...
"Hello Carol dear..." Carol swung around - Ellie Newob stood smiling by the bedroom door - in her hand she held the hammer... "Thank you..." she said - but this time her voice was deep and obviously masculine, "This is what I was waiting for sweetie... Tell your lover that Bowen called!"
"SIMON!"
"I wouldn't call for him so readily my darling..." said Bowen, "I'm trying to help you - in a round about sort of way... Something as powerful as Maxwell's hammer shouldn't be in hands of man like Simon - not that it should probably by in my hands either... Still - I knew he was going to steal it... It's amazing what you can do if you put your mind to it... Imagination is such a wonderful thing..."
"Who are you..." Carol felt an overwhelming sense of calm, "I don't understand how you could break into that safe..."
"No need for you to understand..." smiled Bowen, "But do one thing for me - ask Simon who Samantha is will you? It's the name engraved on your watch... Got to go now - see you around..."
Bowen brushed past her - walking across the room - to the front door - and away...
Carol just stared - she didn't bother to chase him but instead returned to their bed - shaking Simon awake...
"What is it?" he woke - looking disorientated and unhappy.
"WHO IS SAMANTHA..." she said coldly, "IT'S ON MY WRIST WATCH - WHO IS SHE?"
"How should I know - why are you waking me up like this..."
"Ellie Newob called - she's really a man named Bowen - she's taken the hammer..." said Carol, "WHO IS SAMANTHA?"
Simon stared at her - he didn't even fly into a rage over her news - he simply stared and said nothing until morning...
"We going on a little trip Sam..." he said, "We're going to take a holiday..."
***
Mavis and Edie sat busily filing through piles of Summer postcards - not one of them containing anything of true worth or note...
They had to check them all the same...
"I don't understand it..." sighed Edie, "Where ever has Helena gotten to..."
"I'm sure the Police are doing all they can..."
"Have you seen this?" Edie pushed her morning paper across the desk to Mavis, "Look at the headline..."
COWS MOOOOVED - NEW STONE COW MISSING...
"I'm sure there's some connection... Between the cows and Helena vanishing..."
"I doubt it Edie dear... The article just says its vandals - moving the cows from where they were supposed to be..."
"We should go and check it out..."
"No Edie... Absolutely not..."
But Edie knew that - given time - Mavis could be convinced to change her mind...
***
The Stone Cow had found itself an H.Q. - had booked itself a room in a posh hotel in Central London and was planning it's campaign of attack...
"We shall turn the city to grass... Then and only then can we graze in peace..."
Helena lay back - watching through the eyes of the stone cow - she could see a small crowd of "liberated" Cow Parade cows in the room before her - a multi-coloured group of bovine faces staring back at her...
"We shall lay waste to this city..." said the Stone Cow.
"Odd..." thought Helena casually, "That sounds like my voice..."
***
By mid-morning Ray had dug so deep that he'd made quite a hole in the middle of one of the flower beds - still nobody had come to stop him and Gail was busy assisting Lavinia on the stage as the first crowds of the day began to arrive...
"What are you digging down there?" called a man who appeared to be wearing some kind of tea cosy on his head, "Have you found treasure..."
It seemed that Ray's digging was beginning to attract a crowd which already numbered a good two dozen, "I'm - err - excavating..." he lied - explaining the moo-ing noises would just be too complicated...
"Have you found anything?"
"Err - I'm not sure..."
The truth was - he had found something and almost managed to unearth it...
A trap door... (Only a small one...)
But he'd checked the plans - there WERE no cellars - but perhaps there was a hidden room... Ray bent down - clearing away the last of the dirt and grit from the door - trying not to coat his audience with soil where they stood, a good six feet above him! ("Ooops! Sorry lady!!") He was surprised how easily the door creaked open - it was dark down below and a wave of stench made him stagger back a bit - but he soon got used to it...
"Well... I've found something..." he called up to his audience, but he hadn't a torch to light his way... He'd have to climb back up and fetch one... "Out of my way please - I'm coming out..."
"Ray..."
It had been strangely silent above him but now he saw Gail standing above him, reaching out to help him up out of the pit, "What is it? Complaints I suppose - well I've found something - it might give us a clue to the moo-ing..."
"Ray... What have you done..."
"Done what Gail? I know it's quite a deep hole... But I found a trap door - I opened it up..."
"No Ray..." the look on Gail's face was one of horror, "Your audience..."
As he reached the top of his hole and looked around him Ray saw what she meant... All around the hole - where his audience had stood there lay bodies... Not just one - or nor - but dozen after dozen - all whom had come watch him dig as they arrived for the festival...
"What did you do Ray?"
"I just opened the trap door! What's wrong with them for God's sake..."
They hadn't noticed the two figures approaching them across the grass, one was the local vicar - the other was PC Pennylane the local Counstable...
"'Ello, ello, ello..." he said - like Policemen always do in such cliche'd circumstances, "What's going on here then..."
Gail and Ray stared at the bodies surrounding the pit, "This..." sighed Gail despairingly, "Is becoming a habit..."
...And then the ground began to flood with a noise - a noise from deep in the pit - a noise that filled the air and drowned out Lavinia's rehersals...
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! came the noise....
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
***
Mavis had refused to help her - told her to not to delve into the matter any longer... But how could she ignore the threats - the voices speaking through her mother's parrot...
Nurze Ward-Sisters had used the information in the e-mail and was now in Birmingham - outside the flat which it appeared belonged to ex-inmate Yenny Thyme. She'd mailed back the anonymous tip-off who had sent her the original details...
"How do I get in?"
"There is a security code - type 7362S... Love LLB..."
L.L.B...
It was enough to nearly make her go back to Mavis for help - L.L.B. - it had to be Bowen...
But now she was there - 7,3,6,2,S...
The door swung open...
"Come in..." called a voice, "Don't stand on ceremony..."
The apartment was large and impressive - a storage unit conversion...
A man in ladies clothing was lounged on the sofa - dusting the coffee table with a long blonde wig which had probably been part of the outfit.
"Hello Nurze..." smiled the man, "Thank you for coming... You recognise me I take it..."
"Bowen..."
"Well done honey - I have a present for you - to say thank you for looking after me when I was in Green Meadows - you were always so kind..." He held out a what appeared to be a large silver hammer... "It's for you..." he smiled, "Someone else was going to get their hands on it and I thought that you yourself might prefer to have it instead... It's quite powerful you know..."
"If I needed a hammer..." said Nurze quickly, "Then I'd have gone to a D.I.Y. store..."
"Ah yes - but this is a special hammer..." grinned Bowen, "You might need it later - infact I know you will darling..."
"Where is Yenny Thyme?" said Nurze.
"I am here..." smiled Bowen.
"I don't understand..."
"I am Yen - I was Yen..." Bowen corrected himself, "...And I am also L.L. Bowen... ...And Stephen - and Ellie - somewhere in America I am also current being Simon... Do you see?"
"No..."
"I am at war with myself..." grinned Bowen, "A battle for supremacy - a being of multiple personalities looking only for peace of mind..." Nurze looked at him blankly, "I see you don't understand - never mind Matron - you are no more than a messenger... Take this hammer to somebody with some intelligence... Go - before I decide to kill you my dear..."
Nurze reached out for the hammer - touching it with her bare hands - her bare skeletal hands...
"OH!" exclaimed Bowen suddenly, "Don't snatch... I don't like people who snatch... You've made me change my mind... I was going to spare you but on second thoughts - there are too many players in this particular story as there is..."
Nurze stared at her - but soon her eyes did not see - soon she ceased to function altogether - without even a chance to scream...
"I should never have wasted your precious time..." sighed Bowen, "I'll post it on like a normal person would... Except - except I'm not normal am I Matron dear?" Matron's skeleton stared back at her, "You should eat more dear..." he grinned before changing his expression to one of fake horror, "OH MY GOD - WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!" Prizing the hammer from her bony fingers he placed it back on the coffee table and began to write a short notelet...
Dear Mavis and Edie... I am sending you this gift because I suspect it might be of some use to you... I was going to send it to you via Matron Ward-Sisters but I don't think she's in any shape to manage that now... Still - she'll make a wonderfully macabre hat stand... Have fun with the hammer. Lots of love. L.L. Bowen.
"There..." he smiled, "Don't say I don't give you anything..." he laughed and hurried off to find himself an EXTRA-EXTRA LARGE padded envelope...
***
EPILOGUE :
"Dear Paul and Fatima... We think your work on the Saga is just fab... Love Mum..."
"Hmm..." sighed Fatima as they let themselves into Barry's flat, "Are you sure you didn't write that yourself?"
But Paul didn't reply, "ALL DONE BARRY! THE SUMMER SPECIAL IS ALL DONE... YOU CAN COME OUT OF THE EGG TIMER NOW... OHH..."
"What's wrong dear - he hasn't started eating the sand has he?"
"He's gone Fatima..." gasped Paul, "Gone - but left us a note..."
Fatima frowned but read the note all the same...
DEAR PAUL AND FATIMA,
I DID NOT DO ANYTHING IN MY SUMMER HOLIDAY BECAUSE I WAS EITHER TIED UP OR LOCKED AWAY! I HAD HOPED TO GO AWAY SOMEWHERE NICE DURING THE SAGA BREAK BUT COULDN'T BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID... I AM A TALENTED WRITER AND YOU REFUSED TO GIVE ME ANY DECENT WORK AND I STAND BY WHAT I POSTED... ANYWAY - I'M FREE NOW... A GOOD FRIEND CAME TO LET ME GO AND HAS GIVEN ME TICKETS FOR A WEEK AT THE EDINBURGH FESTIVAL - SO I SHALL BE THERE - THIS IS GOODBYE...
BARRY x
What will happen next?
Is everything Bowen said true? What will happen when the hammer reaches Mavis and Edie? Will Mavis and Edie realise the connection between Helena's disappearance and the stolen cow statues? Will Helena lead a mass cow invasion? Will Simon let his cover slip or will he let the Silver Hammer go and what is the "holiday" he so mysteriously refers to... What has become of Barry? Has Ray managed a mass killing in North Yorkshire? What will he find beneath the trap door? Where will Siggtrigger and his crew travel to? Are Sally and Trent stuck forever in the past?
FIND OUT IN AN ONGOING SAGA - SERIES 2 - COMING SOON - MONDAY 2ND SEPTEMBER 2002...
